Toren Atkinson

I’d just like to be the first one to point this out to the internet-at-large, so it doesn’t sneak up on them (or before it goes away):

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=toren+atkinson

“1. Toren Atkinson
A man of mediocrity. Engages in mediocre art, mediocre music, and mediocre acting. If you happen to meet him, he will make all his occupations seem far more exciting and challenging than they really are.
In Toren’s mind, a lot of mediocrity all add up to singular achievement.
He does art for small roleplaying publishers. His art is generally black and white. He’s not a talented enough artist to branch out of this small niche.
He is the lead singer for the Darkest of the Hillside Thickets. A niche Lovecraft band. Toren is the singer. He plays no instruments. He sometimes writes his lyrics. He’s been know to use the internet to get other people to write his lyrics for him. He takes all credit, of course.
He acts in independent films. Really really independent. So independent you’ve never heard of any of them. They’ve only been screen in the basements of friends.
He does some voice-acting. Again for projects that see very little exposure.
He’s in love with himself. He thinks he’s cool beyond measure. He’s the King of Mediocrity.
You’re so asstastic I dub thee the Toren Atkinson of the neighbourhood.”

Three guesses who wrote this up.

Microsoft shuts down controversial Chinese blogger
Last Updated Fri, 06 Jan 2006 12:52:24 EST
CBC News

Microsoft Corp. has followed the request of the Chinese government and shut down the internet journal of a blogger who discussed politically sensitive issues.

“When we operate in markets around the world, we have to ensure that our service complies with global laws as well as local laws and norms,” said Brooke Richardson, group product manager with Microsoft’s MSN online division.

He said the blog was shut down at year end. He declined to comment further.

China has come under criticism in recent months for its censorship of the internet.

The Associated Press said Beijing has supported internet use for education and business, but it reportedly uses filters to block objectionable foreign websites. It also bans subversive and pornographic content and requires service providers to enforce censorship rules.

The controversial blog was written under the pen name An Ti, reportedly by a research assistant in the Beijing bureau of the New York Times, AP said. It touched on sensitive topics such as China’s relations with Taiwan and free speech in China.

In Kenya, 2.5 million people were close to starvation; police raids showed that those who were supposed to be handing out food were instead selling it. Pat Robertson apologized to Ariel Sharon’s son, Omri, for being ” inappropriate and insensitive ” when he said that Sharon’s illness was God’s punishment. It remained unclear, however, whether Robertson would once again be permitted to build a theme park by the Sea of Galilee. In Saudi Arabia 345 people were trampled to death while attempting to finish the “stoning-of-the-devil” ritual of the Hajj. “This was fate,” said a spokesman for the Interior Ministry, “destined by God.” Officials said that they were working out a plan to allow 500,000 people to stone the devil per hour. Further investigation showed that it may have been the wind rather than a burning mouse that caused a house fire in New Mexico. The homeowner held to his story, however: “I have an awful hate for those critters.” A study found that 24 percent of Americans find fat people less attractive than thin people; this represents a significant change from 20 years ago when 55 percent of Americans said that they were repulsed by fat people. A Minnesota man named Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey, who claims to be a vampire, announced that he would run for governor and promised that if elected he would personally impale murderers and child molesters. “I’m a Satanist who doesn’t hate Jesus,” he explained.

But How do I go from Fatness to Fitness? Watch me right here. You be my witness.

I just found out that I’m officially obese! I was browsing the CBC news website as I am wont to do, and reading the study about how Canadians are getting faaaaaaaaatter. I learned about the BMI ­ body mass index. So I looked it up on google and found a site where I could plug in my height and my weight and find out what my BMI is. I’m 5’10 and the last time I weighed myself I was between 220 and 224. Let’s say 222 ­ that gives me a BMI of 31.9 which falls into type 1 obesity (there are 3 types). If you’re over 25 you’re overweight (this according to Health Canada) and 30 or more equals superfat. To get out of the overweight category I’d have to get down to 174 lbs. Which would be crazy! When I was playing tennis for 2 hours a day 3-4 days a week, and having virtually no carbs, I only got down to somewhere between 190-200. I don’t think I could get down to 174 without starving myself or having a full-time job in construction or something… But the good news is that I went swimming last night at the Percy Norman pool and I got a good workout. They have 2-3 lanes on Monday and Wednesday nights for adult swim and at times I had a lane all to myself. The bad news is that aquafit comes in at 8pm and plays Bryan Adams, and the other bad news is that my arms were so sore afterwards that I couldn’t get a good night’s sleep. But I’m sure the more I go swimming the more accustomed my muscles will become to being used. Don’t know what to do about Bryan Adams except maybe to stay under the water…at all times. The pool is only a 5 minute walk from Marlo’s place so I actually didn’t use the change room for changing. I wore my “trunks” aka my shorts, and a t-shirt, and my ratty old shoes, and that’s all. I walked through the cold rain with my towel over my head and when I got to the pool I paid the lady in coins, keeping one for the locker. I threw my shirt and shoes and towel into the locker and got right into the pool. I don’t like having my wang hanging out for all to see. And I never have since gym class in high school. It was quite chilly coming home with wet shorts but for the time being I prefer that to spending more time in the change room than I have to.

I don’t understand the word sanction. Or rather, I understand the word, but don’t understand why there are seemingly two conflicting meanings. As a verb, it means to approve – as in an officially sanctioned tournament. As a noun, it means to disapprove – as in we don’t want Iran making nuclear weapons so we impose sanctions on them. Am I the only one who is vexed by this? I think we should get some impose some sanctioned sanctions on whoever came up with these definitions.

LORD OF THE BRUSH

Documentary on LORD OF THE RINGS artist John Howe

Saturday, January 21 at 7 pm, Tinseltown Cinemas

Presented by Moving Pictures: Canadian Films on Tour

Best known for his detailed illustrations of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle-earth mythology, British Columbian John Howe is greatly responsible for the look of The Lord of the Rings movies. This thoughtful documentary sheds lights on Howe’s childhood growing up in the small rural town of Keremeos, British Columbia. It also offers a trove of Lord of the Rings analysis with ecological interpretations of the original books and how West Coast geography seeped (via Howe) into our idea of what Middle-earth should look like. Directed by Gretchen Jordan-Bastow, and presented as part of Moving Pictures: Canadian Films on Tour. For more info: www.movingpictures.ca or (604) 681-4549.

Also of interest: RHINOCEROS EYES by Aaron Woodley

A stunning directorial debut that evokes classic surrealistic films from Eraserhead to Edward Scissorhands, Rhinoceros Eyes is the hallucinatory black comedy revolving around Chep (Michael Pitt), a young, reclusive prop-house employee who falls in love with a detail-obsessed movie production designer named Fran (Paige Turco: TV shows The Agency). Fran’s need for authentic props sends Chep to great and questionable lengths as he tries to satisfy her requests, and ultimately…win her heart. Rhinoceros Eyes premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival in September 2003 and won the prestigious Discovery Award. Sunday, January 22 at 9 pm, Tinseltown Cinemas.

NIGHTMARE IN CANADA: HORROR IN CANADIAN FILM by Jennifer Adcock

A must see documentary for horror fans. Nightmare in Canada provides a refreshing, entertaining look at the story of Canada’s horror film industry. While Hollywood horror movies are usually obsessed with monsters and masked madmen, Canadian horror tends to be more story and character driven focusing on themes like man against nature and fighting the evil that comes from within. Interviews with a wide range of guests will examine the phenomenon of Canada’s horror film legacy as favourite moments are shared and the best and strangest moments from films such as “Black Christmas”, “Shivers”, “The Changeling”, “Ginger Snaps”, “Cannibal Girls” (staring Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin) and Julian Roffman’s 1961 cult classic, “The Mask” are shown. Friday, January 20 at 9 pm, Tinseltown Cinemas.

MOVING PICTURES: CANADIAN FILMS ON TOUR. Bringing Canadian films and creative talent to your community. Watch it. Celebrate it. Learn about it. For more info: www.movingpictures.ca or (604) 681-4549. Advance tickets at Biz Books (302 West Cordova Street) or Tinseltown Cinemas.