A Satanist Who Doesn't Hate Jesus

In Kenya, 2.5 million people were close to starvation; police raids showed that those who were supposed to be handing out food were instead selling it. Pat Robertson apologized to Ariel Sharon’s son, Omri, for being ” inappropriate and insensitive ” when he said that Sharon’s illness was God’s punishment. It remained unclear, however, whether Robertson would once again be permitted to build a theme park by the Sea of Galilee. In Saudi Arabia 345 people were trampled to death while attempting to finish the “stoning-of-the-devil” ritual of the Hajj. “This was fate,” said a spokesman for the Interior Ministry, “destined by God.” Officials said that they were working out a plan to allow 500,000 people to stone the devil per hour. Further investigation showed that it may have been the wind rather than a burning mouse that caused a house fire in New Mexico. The homeowner held to his story, however: “I have an awful hate for those critters.” A study found that 24 percent of Americans find fat people less attractive than thin people; this represents a significant change from 20 years ago when 55 percent of Americans said that they were repulsed by fat people. A Minnesota man named Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey, who claims to be a vampire, announced that he would run for governor and promised that if elected he would personally impale murderers and child molesters. “I’m a Satanist who doesn’t hate Jesus,” he explained.

One Reply to “A Satanist Who Doesn't Hate Jesus”

  1. Obviously, Mr. Sharkey is a lier.

    But, if he actually is a Satanist, lying would not be out of character.

    For the record, hating Christ is not required to be a Satanist. Satanism is not a hate group.

    Dispising or opposing Christ, and Christians, and their God, is perfectly okay on the other hand.

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