My Fan Club

I’d just like to be the first one to point this out to the internet-at-large, so it doesn’t sneak up on them (or before it goes away):

“1. Toren Atkinson
A man of mediocrity. Engages in mediocre art, mediocre music, and mediocre acting. If you happen to meet him, he will make all his occupations seem far more exciting and challenging than they really are.
In Toren’s mind, a lot of mediocrity all add up to singular achievement.
He does art for small roleplaying publishers. His art is generally black and white. He’s not a talented enough artist to branch out of this small niche.
He is the lead singer for the Darkest of the Hillside Thickets. A niche Lovecraft band. Toren is the singer. He plays no instruments. He sometimes writes his lyrics. He’s been know to use the internet to get other people to write his lyrics for him. He takes all credit, of course.
He acts in independent films. Really really independent. So independent you’ve never heard of any of them. They’ve only been screen in the basements of friends.
He does some voice-acting. Again for projects that see very little exposure.
He’s in love with himself. He thinks he’s cool beyond measure. He’s the King of Mediocrity.
You’re so asstastic I dub thee the Toren Atkinson of the neighbourhood.”

Three guesses who wrote this up.

15 Replies to “My Fan Club”

  1. Ah the Internet, where petty people can do petty things. They have such a remarable tool for profound communication and this is the best they can come up with to do with it.

    Sad little life. He is obviously a non-event in the stream of the universe.

    How did you find this in the first place Toren? What an obscure place for him to dis you!

  2. The mind fairly buzzes with pithy comebacks. I’ll keep it simple and take the serious route.

    Speaking from experience, the moment in life where one starts to come under attack for ‘alleged’ shortcomings is the moment where one realizes that one’s efforts in life have succeeded so well.

    People of distinction and achievement always draw the fire of the envious who attack out of anger, childish jealousy, and redirected self-hatred. These mental-midgets know they are motivationally impotent, completely without direction and incapable even of simple self-knowledge. Nor do they have the strength of mind or focus of will to follow a path of personal betterment much less a desire to learn about themselves or their place in the universe. I know, I’ve met plenty.

    Read between the lines of this ‘Urban Dictionary’ entry and one will find only a confession of self-loathing on the part of the flinger. The flingee appears in name only. Change the name in this entry and you will have a piece of true insight.

    As the saying goes: I’m rubber you’re glue…

  3. Thumbs up! And I think we’ve got a name for Toren’s (unavoidable) solo album: Man of Mediocrity!

    Hey, “Has Been” worked for Shatner.

  4. did you get it removed? it isn’t there anymore. or at least it isn’t for me.

    speaking of mediocre, we are looking for a set list for the Feb.4th show. not a big deal to do but you know Merrick! Mr. must have set list!

  5. I didn’t have it removed.

    For set list, as I mentioned at practice – it’s up to the guitar & bass players what you can best handle. I can do whatever.

  6. What I find interesting is that somebody would take the time and care to make up such an entry! My theory is he secretly loves me.

  7. (You can delete this reply or not, but…) It might have been my fault it was removed. My alias was also up there in Urban Dictionary with an unflattering definition, and I alerted UD to the fact that, at least in Toren’s case, the asshat was using someone’s real name for a bogus definition. I may, therefore, unwittingly have deprived you guys of some real entertainment, for which I apologise! 🙁 (The text IS reproduced in in my blog, Toren, if your readers are clamouring for it!) 😛

  8. i read the blog of your UD entry poster. he apologised (indirectly) for posting the entry. since you probably don’t read his blog, here is what he had to say…

    (And no, I’m not trying to defend the Urban Dictionary entry written about the person in question. That was a bullshit act … very low. I wish I wouldn’t have written it at all, but I’m sometimes prone to all sorts of stupidity. I have written more positive things about the band he fronts (The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets) and a roleplaying game he co-wrote (Spaceship Zero) on Wikipedia.)

  9. It’s not the first time I’ve heard the “turning over a new leaf” speech. I’m the kind of guy who will give a person the benefit of the doubt. I’m the kind of guy who will give someone a second chance. In this case, I’ve given him sixth and seventh chances. I feel like a dummy for giving him the third. He won’t get the eighth. AND THAT’S FINAL!!!!

  10. if i may quote Great White and say “once bitten twice shy”

    if i may then follow up with a quote from David Lee Roth and say “AW YA Beautiful Girls!”

    ’80s rock can teach us more than we are prepared to admit.

    since i assume nothing, i don’t think our friend’s intent was to say “i’m turning over a new leaf, please give me another chance.” i think it was just to say “that was stupid and i wish i hadn’t done it.”

    if you give him another chance that is your decision. i don’t think he’s asking for one.

Comments are closed.