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Day 7: Cooking Leads To Dish Washing

Here are the people who live in the house in which I also live: Casey, French-Canadian Guy, Boozy Breath Guy, Too Much Aftershave Guy, Scowly Silent Guy, and Never Seen Guy. I think that’s everyone. I was told when I moved in that there is only one suite with its own kitchen. Everyone else shares the kitchen in the basement, right next to my suite.

Here’s a few interesting facts about me: cooking – not a fan. Occupying the same room as other people I don’t know – not a fan. The guy I see the most is probably Too Much Aftershave Guy, who cooks real meals like roasts ‘n’ suchlike, leaving the kitchen smelling great. Everyone else seems to come down to make toast or something equally prosaic.

Additionally, I don’t own any pots and pans or other cooking utensils–they never made it through the move. So I can’t boil an egg. Not to mention I’m afraid of the semi-antique industrial size gas stove. So, for the time being, the dream of Toren cooking healthy things for himself is dead. Let’s leave that for when I’m married (insert belly laugh here). Luckily there is a microwave at my disposal. And by a microwave, I mean a microwave oven, not an electromagnetic wave inbetween infrared and radio waves.

That said, I am learning to be clever with food in ways that would put most people off it. For example, today I was eating a banana and got about half way through when I thought “baby Jesus this is a boring banana.” So I took said half-banana, mushed it up real good with one of my co-tenants’ forks because I can’t find my own one metal one (I blame my co-tenants), sprinkled on a heaping teaspoon of cocoa powder (which I bought to make low calorie chocolate milk but even skim milk is in the neighborhood of 300 calories for a decent size glass), a heaping tablespoon of Splenda, and a teaspoon or so of skim milk so I could mix the other bits together into a brown goo. “Hey that’s pretty good, I’m some kind of fucking genius” I whispered in an ultrahigh frequency so only dogs could hear, but my genius did not stop there – OH NO! I had a half of a granola bar left in my coat so I smashed it up inside it’s individually wrapped package on my computer desk and then added the oaty particles to the concoction. It was like some kind of delicious crunchy pudding for less than 200 calories. I win.

Day 7: Thinsations (100) orange (100) granola bar (110) ice cream (100) tomatoes (100) granola bar (130) banana (200) salad (150) = 1000 calories

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Day 5 + 6: Mustard Eases the Pain

Kelly’s scale says I’m at 191.0 lbs. Twelve lbs to go.

The single greatest thing about mustard is that I love it and it’s very low calorie. The two greatest things about mustard is that I love it, it’s very low calorie, and it comes in many varieties. Amongst the greatest things about mustard are such diverse elements as: I love it; it’s very low calorie; it comes in many varieties….

Day 5: orange (100) caramels (400 damn you Kelly!) chicken & salad (300) Thinsations (100) Banana (150) = 1050 calories

Day 6: salad (100) apple (100) chocolate covered candied orange peels (200 damn you Kelly!) apple (100) chicken (180) + carrots (100) = 800 calories

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A Comfortable Emptiness

It may have been Richard Dawkins on the Colbert Report…or someone else somewhere else…but I remember the quote:

Nobody in this audience believes in Odin or Zeus. Some of us just go one god further.

And it’s true. To believe in the Christian God or Allah or Yahweh or whathaveyou is just as ludicrous as believing in Thor or Osiris or Camazotz or the Spaghetti Monster.

Recently I had a discussion with a coworker about religion and the meaning of life. I had told him I was an atheist, he asked me a bunch of questions, said that my answers made sense, and a few days later said to me “I tried being an atheist for a couple days and it scared the shit out of me.”

People need their comfort. They need to know that there is more to life than what they see. They need a reassurance that the universe is not a cold, heartless, random Lovecraftian uncertainty. They need the comfort of order and meaning.

Imagine a universe completely devoid of meaning. Imagine a life that has absolutely no greater purpose or meaning. No cosmic significance. No spiritual purpose. No plan. No goal.

Imagine a person without a soul.

That is my life. I am living my life with no expectations beyond what I experience with my senses and extrapolate through reason. I have no immortal soul that will exist after my body dies, in a paradisal afterlife or otherwise. I have no one to answer to for my deeds except myself. I could die tomorrow or I could die in 60 years, and when I do so, my thoughts and memories will be gone and everything that is my being will be worm food. I am not part of any great plan.

Does that make me a bad person? Can a person who believes these things be a moral person? What possible purpose could he have to go on living? Is it true what some religious people say, that atheism = amorality?

Well my friends, I don’t need the threat of Hell or the scrutiny of any deity to keep me from gouging your eyes out just for the thrill of it. It just so happens that I like life, in all its cosmic pointlessness. I like treating people well because it makes me feel good and engenders reciprocation. I like enriching the world around me because frankly, I’m selfish. Selfish enough to want an enriched world for me to live in. I don’t steal and I have never cheated on a girlfriend or fooled around with someone in a committed relationship (and yes the situation has presented itself). I have promised myself I will never inflict violence on another person, or kill another even to defend myself.* Certainly I have made some bad choices in my time and made a few mistakes, but the goals and rules that I set for myself are my own, and I believe that they are highly moral, at least relatively speaking. The meaning I make for my life is my own – it’s not because of God’s judgment or ancient commandments or any other made-up hocus pocus.

Some people need the comfort of religious faith and the comfort of a meaningful life. I guess the comfort I find is in my own rationality and the strength of my convictions. That and a cozy bed with Kodos, and maybe some nachos.

People also seem to need the comfort of tradition (which interesting enough also ties heavily into religion), but that’s another post.

*of course some things you can never really know until the situation comes up, but that’s the promise, anyway.

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D-Day 4: 36 Days to Go

Well, good news. Joyce’s scale says I’m at 192, which means I only have 13 lbs to lose.

Mike says:

There is the problem. You are not changing your life style to one of living and eating in a manner conducive to long, healthy life. Before the ’60’s diet meant whole life style, not some obsessive corporately created weight loss madness. Eat wholesome foods in moderate amounts, have the occasional treats like a slice of pizza, a little ice cream, maybe a small piece of cake at a party. These are ok, if you are living a rounded, healthy life style where you eat from around the outside of the supermarket, keep physical activity part of your daily routine, maintain a regular sleep schedule and you’ll be great. Lose the “I must be skinny by” idea and say, “I want to be happy with good food, good activities and good friends.” But remember, have fun or you’ll never, ever succeed.

Any advice on how to eat wholesome foods in moderate amounts? Keeping physical activity a part of my daily routine and maintaining a regular sleep schedule are not problems. Stopping myself from eating (for example) a chocolate cookie for breakfast, a shawarma for lunch and two small pizzas for dinner is a very real problem, and one that I’ve struggled with all my life. I don’t want to be skinny, I want to be average. The human senses have been designed over millions of years to crave and enjoy sugar and fat. How do you make denying yourself those pleasures fun? I hate the fact that if pizza or pastries or chips or ice cream is put in front of me in a social situation, all I can think about is how I can eat as much as possible without drawing attention to it, and that if it’s in front of me when no one else is around, I will eat until I feel sick. And then as soon as I don’t feel sick anymore, I will eat some more. This is why I don’t buy groceries – why I don’t store food for the long term. Food in my cupboard and fridge doesn’t make it to the long term, unless it’s something I don’t care for – something healthy I’ve strategically bought with the best of intentions. Then it’s 3 in the morning, it’s the only thing to eat, and I’m forced to eat canned corn or fresh celery. Unless of course I’m willing to get dressed, get on my bike, and ride to 7-11 or Max’s for some Miss Vickies and a butter tart, which also happens.

Day four: On the menu today: Thinsations (100) + banana (200) + orange (100) + low fat cream of chicken soup (200) + Cadbury Thins (orange & chocolate) (100) + misc (say 100 at most) + sugar-free milkshake (100) + Thinsations! (100) = 1000

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No Country For Old Men

A theater named Scotiabank Theatre should only play movies about finances and investments, like Wall Street, Greed, Dog Day Afternoon and It’s A Wonderful Life. It troubles me that it’s the only theatre in BC that’s playing the Coen brothers’ new film “No Country for Old Men.” Which I watched yesterday. I don’t like seeing movies on opening weekend. No Country opened on Friday so I thought a matinee on Sunday would be fine. Well the theatre was packed tight. Even arriving a half hour before showtime there weren’t enough seats together for all of my friends who accepted my invitation to join me. And in one respect Scotiabank Theatre is the antithesis of my fave theatre, The Rio. Not only does Scotiabank show ads before the movie, they show ads constantly between movies. At no time is the screen blank and quiet. Thanks for paying your $12, now watch these commercials for cars and milk. The best part was the audacity of the woman behind me who told me to sit down (I was standing up to flag down Kevin, Stephane & Stewie as they came in) so she could watch these ads. Stupid, stupid woman. I was gratified to be able to sass her about it.

Anyway – on to the movie non-review for No Country for Old Men (no spoilers here, folks).

Rottentomatoes.com puts it at 95%. IMDB at 9.0/10. That’s about right. Like the best Coen Brothers films (Miller’s Crossing, The Big Lebowski), No Country is so rich and dense that you need to watch it several times to fully appreciate all the levels. There were moments that I got so caught up in, that the scenes following were lost to me. The dialogue and acting and pacing are things of beauty. If you go see it in the theater I advise you to pay closer and closer attention as the film progresses. The only criticism I have would likely only be valid if I had a medical background – despite the various grisly wounds in the film nobody ever goes into shock. I guess some folk are manly enough to never succumb. Others may say the movie is too long. They are, of course, wrong. It was too short.

No Country for Old Men harkens back to the Coen’s first outing, Blood Simple, and in many ways Fargo. I need to see it again. Problem is I don’t see myself going back to the Scotiabank Theatre any time soon. Blech. I’ll be getting it on DVD though, and watching it with subtitles on (a habit I’ve gotten into) for that extra layer of depth and clarity.

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D-Day 3: And Leon's Getting LAAAAAARGER

I miss peanut M&Ms.

Zdepthcharge writes:

Madness. Toren you could do this, but it wouldn’t be healthy. What? Are you trying to impress a pretty girl? Chill it. Set your goal a little lower and maybe do some regular exercise. Diet will only take you so far. Hit a gym twice, three times a week and the weight will stay off.
Jeez man, if you could drink real coffee you wouldn’t need all this food stuff…

I do exercise regularly. I bike almost every day. Minimum 20 minutes. Often more like an hour. I’ve noticed in the past few weeks that it’s been harder for me to maintain my speed and duration without getting worn out quicker, as my belly grows larger. That was one thing I noticed when I took off the weight the first time, it was sort of exponentially easier to bike around. I didn’t get out of breath on a tiny gradient anymore, which made biking all the more enjoyable so I did it more often. Since then I’ve really enjoyed biking around, and I will often find excuses to do so, even when it’s cold and wet out.

A few years ago, over a period of several months, I tried going to the gym on and off. I absolutely loathe the gym. I despise it. There are few things that make my skin crawl more than going to a public place to use public gear with mirrors all around, running on treadmills and exerbikes to not go anywhere…and to pay for it? Nobody can say I didn’t give it a fair shake – I went probably a dozen times. Never again. Give me swimming, tennis or racquetball – something that is fun and occupies a tiny iota of the brain while you do it. It drives me bananas to think of people spending a half hour in a car to travel to (and from) somewhere to ride a stationary bike. To quote Major Clipton in The Bridge On The River Kwai: “Madness! Madness!”

And I’m trying to impress ALL the pretty girls, not just one!

Day 3: Thinsations (100) + carrots (100) + Thinsations (100) + orange (100) + skim milk & cocoa & splenda (100) + Thinsations! (100)+ chicken w/ mustard (200) + green beans (80) + chocomilk (100) = 980 calories

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Ramping up for Ukelelology. Or was it Ukelology?

I just picked up three ukeleles from Jairo this afternoon. That makes me the proud owner of five ukes, at least for the time being. For anyone who’s interested, the workshop for introduction to the ukelele is happening on Monday Nov 19 at 7pm. The default location is my place but it’s not exactly ideal (i.e. I’d have to clean up the place). If anyone wants to offer their pad, I’d love to know. It looks like I’ll be leading the instruction unless someone more qualified steps forward. I figure I’ll provide handouts of all the chords and a few songs, talk about strumming techniques, and then we’ll play a few easy songs. It’s free, but bring food to share.

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=6421178124

And then on Tuesday night it’s the Ukelele Circle Jam at Our Town Cafe on Broadway @ Kingsway so you can put your new knowledge to good use!

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D-Day 1 & 2 (The D is for Diet)

Being on a diet is like being vegetarian – everyone does it until they’re not.

Who says you can’t be a vegetarian for a day?

My diet ends on the 20th of December (or until I get to my target weight). You may notice that coincides with Christmas. And yes, I plan on enjoying whatever sugary, fattening items present themselves at that time.

So what is the wisdom of being on a diet, just so you can counter the effect once you’ve reached your goal?

Well my thinking is that even people who are staunch health nuts splurge from time to time. Am I wrong, Dude? I think of a person who generally eats quite well but if they’re offered some tasty desert item or whathaveyou they will have “just a small piece.” Well, that’s my regime too, but in much broader strokes. Instead of eating restrictively for a couple days and having a piece of pie as a treat, I’m going to eat restrictively for several weeks and then have more than a piece of pie. I figure it all works out in the end, right? Everything in moderation, including moderation.

After all, after I lost 40 lbs it did take a decent amount of time for me to gain fat ground back up 20. So I figure if I spend the rest of my life enjoying ten months out of the year and suffering for two, it’s equivalent to eating “reasonably” – i.e. abstinently – consistently for 12 months of the year which, I’m confident in saying, is 100% unrealistic (for me). I think it’s a lot easier to exercise 100% willpower for 12% of the year than try to exercise say 80-90% willpower for 100% of the year.

That’s the theory, which I’m putting to the test.

Day One: mandarin orange (100 calories); apple (100c); can of corn (165c); pickles (like, 10c?); sugar free candy (???); low fat cream of broccoli soup (205c); another can of corn (165c) = about 800 calories.

Day Two: “Thinsations” cinnamon graham cookie-thins (100) + sugar-free pudding (200) + Thinsations again (100) + banana (200) + carrots & celery (100) + chicken (180) + Thinsations!!! (100) = 980 calories.

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40 Days to Lose 20 Pounds

Everyone knows about the boring old Medifast diet I went on 2 summers ago where I lost 40 pounds in a few months. Started at 220, went down to 179, slowly back up to between 190-200, where I’ve been sitting at for months. I’ve been trying to get back down to somewhere in the 80’s for what seems forever. I can get through big chunks of the day eating more or less healthily and in moderation, but almost every day there is one time when my cravings get the best of me and I gorge myself. I’ve tried lots of different things but nothing seems to overcome that “well one little gorge won’t hurt and this will be the last one – tomorrow will be different” recurring delusional failing.

For example: the night before last I ate two small pizzas for “dinner.” Not two pieces of pizza – TWO SMALL PIZZAS. I was doing alright until I got home from work and after a half hour of deliberating and telling myself not to give in, I just said “fuck it” and picked up the phone to call Panago.

So my new strategy is blogging about my resolve, weaknesses and ultimate objective (okay maybe not ultimate but nigh-ultimate):

By December 20 I want to get back down to 179 lbs.

I don’t actually know what my current weight is. Since I don’t have a scale I can only check when I’m in my friends’ respective bathrooms. But last time I checked I was in between 196-199. So I think at the most that’s 20 lbs.

So that means goodbye pizza, sandwiches, cookies, butter chicken, shawarmas, bubble tea, candy, and chocolate (this is going to be hard since I’m working for Kelly “Bad Girl Chocolates” to help her prepare for the Hexmas season).

Hello broccoli, celery, pickles, Coke Zero and soup.

Stay tuned for exhilarating progress reports!