Day 7: Cooking Leads To Dish Washing

Here are the people who live in the house in which I also live: Casey, French-Canadian Guy, Boozy Breath Guy, Too Much Aftershave Guy, Scowly Silent Guy, and Never Seen Guy. I think that’s everyone. I was told when I moved in that there is only one suite with its own kitchen. Everyone else shares the kitchen in the basement, right next to my suite.

Here’s a few interesting facts about me: cooking – not a fan. Occupying the same room as other people I don’t know – not a fan. The guy I see the most is probably Too Much Aftershave Guy, who cooks real meals like roasts ‘n’ suchlike, leaving the kitchen smelling great. Everyone else seems to come down to make toast or something equally prosaic.

Additionally, I don’t own any pots and pans or other cooking utensils–they never made it through the move. So I can’t boil an egg. Not to mention I’m afraid of the semi-antique industrial size gas stove. So, for the time being, the dream of Toren cooking healthy things for himself is dead. Let’s leave that for when I’m married (insert belly laugh here). Luckily there is a microwave at my disposal. And by a microwave, I mean a microwave oven, not an electromagnetic wave inbetween infrared and radio waves.

That said, I am learning to be clever with food in ways that would put most people off it. For example, today I was eating a banana and got about half way through when I thought “baby Jesus this is a boring banana.” So I took said half-banana, mushed it up real good with one of my co-tenants’ forks because I can’t find my own one metal one (I blame my co-tenants), sprinkled on a heaping teaspoon of cocoa powder (which I bought to make low calorie chocolate milk but even skim milk is in the neighborhood of 300 calories for a decent size glass), a heaping tablespoon of Splenda, and a teaspoon or so of skim milk so I could mix the other bits together into a brown goo. “Hey that’s pretty good, I’m some kind of fucking genius” I whispered in an ultrahigh frequency so only dogs could hear, but my genius did not stop there – OH NO! I had a half of a granola bar left in my coat so I smashed it up inside it’s individually wrapped package on my computer desk and then added the oaty particles to the concoction. It was like some kind of delicious crunchy pudding for less than 200 calories. I win.

Day 7: Thinsations (100) orange (100) granola bar (110) ice cream (100) tomatoes (100) granola bar (130) banana (200) salad (150) = 1000 calories

2 Replies to “Day 7: Cooking Leads To Dish Washing”

  1. O.K. here’s a tip and you CANNOT fuck it up. It’s too easy. Get a crockpot. You can usually find them at thrift stores. Here’s what you do:

    1 whole chicken (if frozen defrost first)
    many carrots
    1 or 2 onions
    enough water to fill crockpot about 2/3s with everything else in there

    Add ingredients in order. You can add other veggies if you so desire. Add plenty of salt. Add as much pepper as you think you’d like.

    Turn it on high (they usually have two settings; low and high). Leave it alone for at least 6 hours.

    When its done cooking eat it. Or some of it anyway. The rest put in a container for later. Except, leave the fluid in the crockpot. You should remove the meat from the bones. Put the bones back in the crockpot. Cook it for another hour or two. Strain all the non-fluid stuff and as much of the chicken fat as you can get. You now have chicken broth. You can make soup or you could use it to cook rice (and you can use the crockpot for that) and have yummy rice.

    In total, this should take maybe twenty minutes of your time (prep, finish, etc).

    It’s healthy and yummy and easy.

  2. My explosive friend speaks the truth. They’re also called “slow-cookers”. You can pretty much throw chunks of any kind of meat, plus chunks of potatoes, plus chunks of random veggies, plus water or chicken broth and turn that sucker on.

    Then you go to sleep. In the morning, you have food. It’s almost magic.

    I also have an insanely easy roast chicken w/potatoes recipe that can feed a family of Toren’s for several days. It requires an oven and some kind of pan. Also a chicken, a lemon and some potatoes.

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