Here are the people who live in the house in which I also live: Casey, French-Canadian Guy, Boozy Breath Guy, Too Much Aftershave Guy, Scowly Silent Guy, and Never Seen Guy. I think that’s everyone. I was told when I moved in that there is only one suite with its own kitchen. Everyone else shares the kitchen in the basement, right next to my suite.
Here’s a few interesting facts about me: cooking – not a fan. Occupying the same room as other people I don’t know – not a fan. The guy I see the most is probably Too Much Aftershave Guy, who cooks real meals like roasts ‘n’ suchlike, leaving the kitchen smelling great. Everyone else seems to come down to make toast or something equally prosaic.
Additionally, I don’t own any pots and pans or other cooking utensils–they never made it through the move. So I can’t boil an egg. Not to mention I’m afraid of the semi-antique industrial size gas stove. So, for the time being, the dream of Toren cooking healthy things for himself is dead. Let’s leave that for when I’m married (insert belly laugh here). Luckily there is a microwave at my disposal. And by a microwave, I mean a microwave oven, not an electromagnetic wave inbetween infrared and radio waves.
That said, I am learning to be clever with food in ways that would put most people off it. For example, today I was eating a banana and got about half way through when I thought “baby Jesus this is a boring banana.” So I took said half-banana, mushed it up real good with one of my co-tenants’ forks because I can’t find my own one metal one (I blame my co-tenants), sprinkled on a heaping teaspoon of cocoa powder (which I bought to make low calorie chocolate milk but even skim milk is in the neighborhood of 300 calories for a decent size glass), a heaping tablespoon of Splenda, and a teaspoon or so of skim milk so I could mix the other bits together into a brown goo. “Hey that’s pretty good, I’m some kind of fucking genius” I whispered in an ultrahigh frequency so only dogs could hear, but my genius did not stop there – OH NO! I had a half of a granola bar left in my coat so I smashed it up inside it’s individually wrapped package on my computer desk and then added the oaty particles to the concoction. It was like some kind of delicious crunchy pudding for less than 200 calories. I win.
Day 7: Thinsations (100) orange (100) granola bar (110) ice cream (100) tomatoes (100) granola bar (130) banana (200) salad (150) = 1000 calories