Summer Blockbuster Spoilage

Remember this? It ran before 9/11.

I’m trying to figure out if the black costume in Spidey 3 is going to be from space. I’m betting it is. So it seems we’ve got three forces that Parker is up against – Sandman, Hobgoblin and the parasite costume/Venom. Too much for one movie? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. I don’t usually speculate on movies before I see them, but I was explaining to Joyous that in the comics J.Jonah Jameson’s son, who Mary Jane almost married in the second movie, became a some kind of werewolf, and that the parasite costume came from another planet/universe during the Secret Wars comic book miniseries. Now, I’d love to see a Secret Wars movie, though I’m sure it would be terrible, but I doubt very much that they’ll keep that origin for the black costume in Spidey 3. I’m guessing maybe JJ’s son brings it back from some space mission. But that’s just a guess. But the good news is that Dylan Baker reprises his role as Dr Connors (who we comic book fans all know becomes The Lizard) in the new film.

So anyway, here’s a shot from the Iron Man movie, which is interesting. I imagine it’s the first prototype in the storyline.


And here’s a shot from Transformers. I still don’t like how pointy they seem to be.


I just read that Sci Fi Channel is making a Flash Gordon TV series. I like that!

The Veil

The Celluloid Social Club is a monthly Vancouver institution that I wish I had more time to get involved with. But…

from Mike Jackson:

Hi folks! The extended cut of the Veil is FINALLY getting a Vancouver screening, at next Wednesday’s Celluloid Social Club (details below)! It’s Ken Hegan’s last time as MC, so it’s likely to be packed. Anyway, hope to see some (or all) of you down there!

The Veil will also be getting its Austrailian premiere in a couple of weeks at the ‘Night of Horror’ film festival in Sydney – Its sixth festival.

Hope all’s well with everyone. All the best,




BIF NAKED’s New Music Video

in support of the THEATRICAL RELEASE of ‘CROSSING’


in support of the THEATRICAL RELEASE of ‘FIDO’

with a Q&A with the director ANDREW CURRIE

directed by ROGER EVAN LARRY





Doors – 7:30pm Show – 8:00pm
The ANZA Club, #3 West 8th Ave. at Ontario St., Vancouver, B.C.

604-734-8339 Admission – $5.00 at the door

You will remember The Veil as the short Lovecraftian film that I was involved with.

The Day Style Became A Genre

When was it that style became a genre? Was it The Matrix? Was it Kill Bill or Sky Captain? Or was it 300?

I can’t believe 300 got 8.3 out of 10 on – unless for some reason…the internet is populated by nerds? 300 comes across like it was made by 17-year-old boys for 17-year-old boys. I’d say that there was a romantic angle thrown in for the women, but actually it was just a sex scene. This is one of those films where I hear people say “it’s good for what it is supposed to be.” And they’re right – if you like pretty crap, this is some of the best. But I’m tired of qualifiers. If it’s a movie about zombies, I want a good movie about zombies If it’s a movie about dancing CG penguins, give me a good movie about dancing CG penguins. And if it’s a movie about 300 Spartans vs a million Persians…well you know. Give me some good acting. Give me a character I can identify with (any character! PLEASE! Don’t make me root for the traitorous hunchback because he evokes the most pathos). Give me some character development (don’t show me a boy fighting a CGI wolf and then have a voiceover telling me “this boy is fighting a wolf”). A bit of clever or meaningful dialogue and a story with more than one layer would be an added bonus.

Here’s my problem with 300 in a nutshell: those elephants are way too big. Don’t give me Lord of the Rings and tell me it’s Greek history. I’ve seen enough elves surfing down castle stairs on shields while firing volleys of arrows. I’ve seen plenty of music videos.

Sometimes less is more. And sometimes more is less. A lot less. At least The Matrix for all it’s flair had a human element to it.

I will give it one thing: they didn’t use the often-used and never-should-be-used shakey, blurry, quick-cut action scene style. They showed me everything and everywhere that the swords were going, and I applaud that.

They could have done so much better by making it more human.

Movies of 2006

That I saw:

Silent Hill
Snakes on a Plane
Art School Confidential
Nacho Libre
Curse of the Golden Flower
Clerks II
The Departed
For Your Consideration
Miami Vice
Inside Man
Superman Returns
X-Men: The Last Stand
Who Killed the Electric Car?
Sophie Scholl
Thank You for Smoking
The Illusionist
An Inconvenient Truth
Little Miss Sunshine
Deep Sea 3D
Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny

The Queen
World’s Fastest Indian
Pirates of the Caribbean 2
Why We Fight
Casino Royale
Last King of Scotland
Children of Men
Pan’s Labyrinth
Manufactured Landscapes
Letters from Iwo Jima
Jesus Camp
Stranger Than Fiction

Garage Sale Tally / Graveyard Commentary

Garage Sale Tally

I completely forgot to go out garage saling yesterday (Saturday – the primo garage sale day), but I did manage to get out to a few this afternoon.

Garage Sale #1 had this huge box of flashlights, in packages, with batteries. There must have been at least 40 of them. I might have bought one except there was no sign of a price, nor did anyone seem particularly interested in offering me anything. So if you’re putting on a garage sale, keep that in mind – pricing your items will help them sell. The most interesting thing about this garage sale was that you got a free portrait done by…well by some guy. Looks like he was doing an OK job but I didn’t really get a good look.

Garage Sale #2 – this one was unattended and everything was free. Of course, most of it was crap but there was a monitor and some computer power cords.
2 power cords: free!

Garage Sale #3 I stumbled upon quite accidentally – not having seen any signs for it. When I got there some chump was talking the seller’s ear off about Tiger Beer being available in bottles in Calgary but not here. The most interesting thing about this one was that the seller had a very nice British accent – I asked him where he was from. He’s from Stratfordshire. He’s lived in San Diego and Toronto, and doesn’t miss England nearly as much as he does California. That was our 60 second conversation.
big backpack: $2
Thrasher magazine: 10 cents

Garage Sale #4 This one was teeming with kids of all ages. Most of it was clothing, but I gathered that the family was of the petite Japanese variety, and since I am neither Japanese and (more importantly) not petite, I didn’t bother looking through the racks and the bins (of which there were at least 4). Lots of shoes too. They had some really nice lamps but I couldn’t really justify buying them, even though they were cheap $5 and, as I said, really nice. I did find some magazines but again, there were no prices. I was interested enough to ask how much they were, but I had absolutely no idea who was in charge so I just kind of yelled in a vague direction hoping somebody would answer me.
12 Men’s Health magazines for $3.

I will now comment on a commentary

Last night Ed emailed me about the DVD audio commentary for Graveyard. He rented a mixer from Long & McQuade and I met him at his place, which is 2 blocks from here. Then we walked to James’. Kier-La (James’ roommate and as many of you know, the director of the Cinemuerte film festival, and an old friend of mine) is in Texas right now and when she gets back she’s moving out of the place. She’s lived in that house for as long as I’ve known her (6 years). There is a bunch of free stuff at the side of the house that anyone can take away. I took some cloth and some video tapes. I don’t know the address, but it’s on 19th and Cambie basically and if you email me I can tell you more. Some of the stuff might be rained on by now though…like old Cannibal Culture magazines. Anyway I hadn’t been in that house for probably 2 years or more, so it was like strolling through memory…house. James is moving in with his sister and he tells me that the people in back of the house (it’s one of those split level houses with several suites) are getting the suite that they had – I don’t know who’s getting their old place or why they want to move.

Thor Arrives
Anyway, Ed set up the microphones and we waited for Thor to arrive (his real name is Jon but I much prefer Thor – I know too many Jons, I’ll rant about that another day). Finally we all were set up and we went through the movie once with the sound on, to refresh our memories, and then we went through it again with the sound off, so that we wouldn’t get feedback on the commentary. It was a blast. I loved it. I did a fucking audio commentary! We talked about the usual stuff you talk about on an audio commentary along with all the expected witty quips. Shira, who played “the girl” showed up halfway through and sat in as well. At the end both James and Shira performed a little jaw harp song, it was very touching. Then Shira and Thor left leaving James, Ed and me to do the commentary for the 2 deleted scenes. Ed says that the audio commentary tracks for the deleted scenes aren’t going to be listed, so you just have to guess they’re there and press the audio button on your DVD player. I actually am against secret stuff – what they call “easter eggs” on DVDs. I don’t want to spend time hunting around my DVD menus for extra stuff – just tell me where it is for Yog’s sake. Nevertheless, we did them. We only had to redo the very last delete scene because James started going off on a tangent and asking Ed if he would date a guy and it was just kind of pointless.

Bottomful Fries
Then we sat around, chewed the proverbial fat, and finally decided to go out for food, along with Janet, Ed’s S.O. Ed apparently has this thing for Red Robin’s, which actually was fine with me, I haven’t been there for quite a while. Janet and I shared a plate of nachos and I mooched off of James bottomless fries, which were in fact not bottomless because we got there pretty late so they shut down the kitchen while we were still eating. The service was wretched but at least James was very vocal about it, so that made me feel good.

Movie Reviews: Forbidden Planet; Dogma; The Cruise; Iron Giant; Madre Muerta

Movie Review: Forbidden Planet

The space pulp/monster movie genre really came to a head in the 1950s. With the A-Bomb and the Reds a new and very real threat to post-WWII America, the sci-fi movies of the time had a tendency to exploit the fears of the public. The best of these films served as cautionary tales. A great many of them (Angry Red Planet, and Rocketship X-M for example) were little more than xenophobic jaunts of drive-in escapism suitable for MST3K-ing. With all their dated, stereotypical camp – bug-eyed monsters, posturing military men with atomic ray guns, fainting heroines and alcoholic cooks – poking fun at the genre is duck soup.

Despite all of their idiosyncrasies, a few of these sci-fi flicks still stand up 50 years later. The Day the Earth Stood Still and War of the Worlds spring to mind, as does Forbidden Planet. In MGM’s first real stab at the genre, Commander J. J. Adams (Leslie Nielson) commands the crew of the United Planets Cruiser C57D on their mission to investigate the mysterious loss of contact with a colony of scientists on the planet Altair. Once they approach the planet they receive a transmission from the last surviving scientist, Dr. Morbius (Walter Pidgeon), who warns Adams “if you set down on this planet I cannot be held accountable for the safety of your ship or your crew.” Naturally, the Commander ignores the warning and lands to further survey the situation. Dr Morbius, less sinister than his name seems to imply, reluctantly welcomes the crew and introduces them to the now familiar Robot (who was known as “Robbie the Robot” only outside of the film), his lovely daughter Altaira (Anne Francis), and an ancient underground world created by the long-extinct inhabitants of the planet, the Krell.

The various science-fiction elements in Forbidden Planet are stylistically fascinating, powerful and memorable, and perfectly executed for the time. Though dated by today’s standards, the special effects were very sophisticated at the time and are still a joy to behold.

The characters, though somewhat stereotypical, are pretty solid, and with talent like Nielson, Pidgeon and Francis the acting is nothing to sneeze at. Tensions between Adams and Morbius, the interplay between the crew and the free-spirited Altaira, and the subtle camaraderie between the commander and his doctor (Warren Stevens) are well-played.

The theremin soundtrack is something else – you have to hear it to believe it – and it really gives the film an otherworldly quality and very much adds to the suspense of the story. Oddly enough, the score for the film wasn’t what the studio had planned – due to the Hollywood Musician’s Union strike a husband & wife team was hired for the task.

Texturally, the whole story works on several different levels. There are Shakespearean (the film is based on The Tempest) and Freudian aspects mixed in with the comic relief of Robot and ‘Cookie’, the ship’s cook. If you’ve not seen Forbidden Planet for a decade or two, I strongly suggest refamiliarizing yourself with this entertaining sci-fi classic, the rich antecedent to a diluted Star Trek franchise. If you have never seen Forbidden Planet – well you’re in for a memorable voyage of discovery.

Movie Review: Dogma
(or Jay & Silent Bob’s Excrement Adventure)

I’m not going to say that Kevin Smith doesn’t have talent. I’m sure he’s a very good dancer.

I liked Clerks and Mall Rats, but I think Smith got a bit out of his element with Chasing Amy, and is even more so with Dogma. The mix of incessant one-liners and socio-religious criticism is an experiment that does not succeed. I admit I am not up on my Catholic dogma, but I do know that constant elbowing at a belief system does not a good movie make. Plot and acting should also be present if possible. The dialogue in this movie feels like it’s been written on–and read off–recipe cards, more so due to Chris Rock’s and Salma Hayek’s irredeemable delivery. But give them a break, even all of Jason Lee’s charisma couldn’t make these lines wash. The story can’t get a word in edgewise with all the sassy religious icons constant yammering. I felt like I had just opened my door to a bunch of bible thumpers who wouldn’t let me politely excuse myself, except these bible thumpers are perpetually pissed-off miscreants and they don’t offer any free reading material, let alone theological insight that isn’t half-baked. Alannis Morrisette as God? Sure…why not? It’s so crazy it just might work!

The movie ends, as is expected, in a violent bloodbath borne of Hollywood’s safest formula, wherein the heroine is killed for no good reason, then brought back to life for no good reason, then cured via divine intervention of her infertility problem. Yup, everything wraps up in a nice little package, and despite the hoity-toity pretentious pokes at organized religion, Dogma still manages to appeal to the lowest common denominator.

You know you’re in a lot of trouble when the best part of the movie you’re seeing is Ben Affleck’s acting! If you like Adam Sandler but have a college degree, you may like Dogma.

WARNING: There may be some inoffensive language between f-words.

Movie Review: The Cruise
1998, dir: Bennett Miller

Timothy “Speed” Levitch is an interesting person in an interesting town. We follow this eloquent, thoughtful, and passionate guide for Gray Line tours in New York, catching him at his best and worst moments. This is the kind of movie you can sit down and lose yourself in, despite any conventional elements of plot, action or romance. The plot is Levitch’s meanderings through the city. The action is his refusal to wear Gray Line’s red blazers and his struggle with an alarmed emergency exit. The romance is his love of NY, exhibitionism with tourists, and eroticism he finds in terra cotta building facades.

The Cruise is a glimpse into the life and mind of a rather extraordinary citizen of the times, as he fights what he calls “anti-cruise”. Anti-cruise can be described, in a very limited sense, as convention, conformity, and oppression of different levels, and Levitch’s fight is at once provocative, amusing, and always insightful. His fight is neither rancorous nor glorious–it is not the Braveheart fight-to-the-death crusade, but rather it is the day-to-day struggle against his career, aspirations and memories, and this makes it all the more identifiable and inspiring. Levitch has the uncanny ability to crystallize ideas which remain unspoken or indeed semi-formed in the conscience-at-large, and furthermore to plant the seeds of still greater ideas.

This movie may not be at the top of your “to see” list, but it should be.

Movie Review: The Iron Giant

Set in a small town in Maine during the height of the cold war, this film is based on Ted Hughes’ children’s book “The Iron Man” and brought to you by The Simpsons’ Brad Bird. It tells the story of a giant, amnesiac robot who falls to Earth, and is eventually befriended by a local boy, Hogarth Hughes. Hogarth must hide the robot from a paranoid government agent who suspects it a Soviet weapon of war. The truth is that the robot is indeed essentially a giant gun, but hails from a distant planet and bears unbelievable firepower! Ultimately, it is the friendship with the boy that brings out the robot’s compassion and humanity, and saves the town from annihilation.

I liked this film so much that after I saw it, I emailed everyone on my many contact lists and practically begged them to put on their shoes and hit the theatre to support this amazing film. Why should I care? Because I am an ardent believer in supporting cinematic–or any other–efforts that one feels strongly about. And I do feel strongly about this film. The Iron Giant is one of the finest, well-written, non-formulaic, intelligent pieces of animated film I have seen in a long long time, and I watch a lot of cartoons. At the time, just a few weeks after the film opened, it came to my attention that it was not doing so well at the box office. My bulk email was a modest campaign to boost awareness of the film, because in Hollywood there is just one truth: the success of a movie is based on its gross. If a piece of s**t movie does well, more piece of s**t movies like it will get made. Conversely, if an intelligent, well-written movie does not make its financial mark, that kind of movie will fall out of favour with the fatcats who make the decisions back at the studio. I personally would hate to see the entire genre suffer because The Iron Giant is recognized by a wanting dollar return and lack of ubiquitous Happy Meal tie-in claptrap. The Iron Giant is an inspiring movie that can be appreciated by adults for its genuine characters and solid story (not to mention its welcome lack of ill-placed Disneyesque singalongs) and by children for its well-executed animation and springboard for the imagination. If you can still find The Iron Giant in theatres, go see it (again). If not, it’s coming out on video shortly.

And if you don’t want to take my word for it, I can send you the barrage of reply emails I received, with subject lines like “Thanks for the great recommendation…I loved Iron Giant.”

Movie Review: Madre Muerta
aka The Dead Mother. 1993, dir: Juanma Bajo Ulloa

I don’t use the words “brilliant” and “captivating” very often, in fact, this may be the first time they’ve both appeared in the same sentence, or indeed thought, that I have produced. I have no reservation about attributing both of these adjectives to La Madre Muerta, however.

Juanma and Eduardo Bajo Ulloa’s story begins with an amazing bang that holds you fast to your chair for the ensuing 103 minutes. The protagonist, Ismael, is a a psychotic, petty thug whose love for chocolate is stronger than that for his devoted lover, Maite, whose attention he repays with threats and abuse. On one of Ismael’s jobs burgling a house, he is surprised by the owner, the “Dead Mother” in question. Her statement “there is no money” is answered with a fatal shotgun blast that leaves her young daughter, who Ismael meets on the way out, orphaned.

Years later Ismael sees her on the street, now an enchantingly beautiful, but mute and seemingly autistic young woman in the care of a local sanitarium. Ismael, frightened that she has recognized him, kidnaps her and brings her back to Maite at their the house. Ismael wants to throw her in front of a train, but Maite insists a ransom, since they are currently squatting. In the meantime, little Leire grows on both of the criminals, albeit in different ways. This leads to an engaging storyline of conflict, beauty, and twisted redemption. Despite the detestable actions of the lead characters, it is impossible not to care for them. Apart from the fact that the subtitles are a bit hard to read at times, this movie is infallible, and must be watched immediately at all costs!