Toren Atkinson

Not as good as the view from Phobos, but still pretty good.

Now what do you know about this:

Never again in our lifetime will the Red Planet be so spectacular! This month and next, Earth is catching up with Mars, an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. (Due to the way Jupiter’s gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the last 5,000 years, but it may be as long as 60,000 years.)

The encounter will culminate on August 27th when Mars comes to within 34,649,589 miles and will be (next to the moon) the brightest object in the night sky. It will attain a magnitude of -2.9 and will appear 25.11 arc seconds wide. At a modest 75-power magnification Mars will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. Mars will be easy to spot. At the beginning of August, Mars will rise in the east at 10 p.m. and reach its azimuth at about 3 a.m.

By the end of August when the two planets are closest, Mars will rise at nightfall and reach its highest point in the sky at 12:30 a.m. That’s pretty convenient when it comes to seeing something that no human has seen in recorded history. So mark your calendar at the beginning of August to see Mars grow progressively brighter and brighter throughout the month. Share with your friends, and relatives.

No one alive today will ever see this again.

So – who’s got a telescope? And do the words “Mars Party” mean anything to you? I’ll bring the bars.

Cubans, in fact, have very few sharp corners

Today I got paid money for using my voice. That’s a nice-a donut. The company is Lynx Publishing and what they do, see, is publish ESL books with CDs. So I was reading out loud (not to be confused with acting) various conversational or informational text. This particular book I was reading for is for ESL workers in the nursing field. So I found myself talking about the intimate details of chlamydia with women I’d never met before in my life! And coping with the loss of my leg. And being embarrassed about being washed by female nurses (as if!!). It was pretty surreal – all the more so because we were recording in a Joy’s room. Joy is a young girl – not sure about her age but I would guess 16. The company is a home business, so the microphone was set up on her computer desk, and the wires went out to a room across the hall, where Ray was recording to his computer. There was only one microphone for all the readers. Joy, actually, is a fantastic artist – much better than I was at her age, if memory serves. She had her drawings up on the walls. So we got into talking about what I draw and so forth. She didn’t know what D&D is (though she had Magic: The Gathering cards in her room) but Ray did. Carol, the woman who hired me, was also very interested in my drawing abilities. I guess they are thinking about putting out a children’s ESL book and so she was probing me about illustrations for that. Furthermore, when I was getting my check, she asked me about writing, and asked me if I was interested in doing some editing for them. Furthermore, being a true, polite, meek Canadian, I didn’t bring up the subject of pay at all, prior to being on site, but when Carol cut me a check she told me that I was getting 25% above their normal rates. I guess I impressed them. I think it’s neat, what they’re doing; very homey, intimate, like you would expect from a family business. Of course it appeals to my anti-corporate, grassroots side, such as it is. So I am happy to help them out. Plus: money.

I read more Alias last night. I am diggin’ this new dernier cri in comics where we see the mundane side of the universe that is not spandex-laden, yet we can’t forget that superheroes are all around. Jessica and her new boyfriend are having dinner on the patio of a restaurant, and Dr. Octopus goes by with Spider-Man and the Human Torch in hot (ha) pursuit. “You…uh…you want to go help?” asks Jessica. “I didn’t bring any of my Ant-Man stuff. Do you want to go?” replies Scott. Jessica: “mmmmm…nah. They got it. And I really — I don’t do that anymore.”

Does anyone know where I can get a pair of orange cargo pants? Not that I can afford to go clothes shopping right now but yeah. So anyway, I was telling Ang Hold, when I vacuumed, which was oh, say…1987 was probably the last time, at my parent’s place, I would often sing over the vacuum. And in the upstairs hall was the doorbell – the actual bell that rings. And as I would sing sometimes I would hit the resonant frequency of the doorbell. And of course we all know what that means, right? It means that the note that I was singing was the exact same note that the doorbell rings, so the sympathetic vibrations would cause the doorbell to ring. It was like a little chorus of two. And that, my friends, is science.

In the News….
Leaders of the Episcopal Church approved a gay bishop and said that individual churches could choose to bless same-sex unions; a group of conservative bishops called for the creation of a new Anglican province in the United States where homosexuality would remain a bona fide sin. [Greed and wrath, however, are still being deferred.]

The United States Army began incinerating millions of pounds of chemical weapons in a small town in Alabama; nearby residents, who have been assured that the process is completely safe, were issued protective hoods.

it was reported that the Pentagon has awarded a $500,000 grant to researchers to develop genetically engineered trees that will change color in the event of a biological- or chemical-weapons attack. […or in autumn.]

Today’s post is in point form:

S
tu
ey p
icked
up a tic-
ket for Eddie
Izzard finally. I
can’t wait. I took
the test at http://
www.politicalcompass.org
and I am on the economic left
(-6.62) and also left on the social
scale (Libertarian): -5.85. What does
that mean? I’m in cahoots with Gandhi,
Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama. Yes-
terday I had dim sum with Nicole & Chris and
Jeff & Tea and Theo & Kate and Stuart and applic-
able children. Then we went back to Jeff’s place and I
looked through Tea’s collection of Sandman graphic novels.
A fellow named John Crawford arrived to get a hair cut from Jeff.
John writes for the Westender and told us how he met Dan Savage
and how there are clubs whose members actively seek out HIV infection
(mostly in California). I forget what the name of the organization is. When
Nicole offered me a ride home Katey (her cute kid) cried because she had just
made friends with Tea’s cute kids and parting was such sweet sorrow. Well not
so much sweet as loud. I felt bad but I had to be at a BBQ/meeting with Dave and
the rest of the crew for Aggravated Assault for 3pm. Then it was back to the computer
where I typed up and emailed all the corrections and notes I made proofreading the
newest editted manuscript for the Spaceship Zero adventure “Slave Ship.” and drew
some revised maps for it. This will appear on the Green Ronin site as a PDF file.
This morning I had to get up to be at a video shoot for Aggravated Assault –
because even though it’s a play it’s a bit multi-media in that there
will be TVs on stage. It was only a 30 second scene but I got to
wear a tie and say “Mr. Boyle’s chances are excellent.” Then
My oldest chum Chris (only a month older than me but
that’s not what I mean) came over, we had brunch
at Denny’s (I blame Chris) and played a couple of
games of Magic: The Gathering. He’s painting
the cover of the next Bare Naked Ladies
album. Correction: he’s done painting it.
Then Kate arrived for a game of tennis
at 3pm. Tonight I had acting class:
it was good. This Wednesday I
have an appointment to
try out for reading
the english bits
on an ESL
product.
Wish
me l
uc
k.

Point form – get it?

Last night, Jeff, Josh, Yvonne, Carina, Jen, Norm, Adrian, Don, and Mike came over to watch Legends of the Superheroes. LotS consists of two TV specials from the 70’s – “The Roast” and “The Challenge”. They are live action, and star Adam West as Batman and Burt Ward as Robin, plus a host of ‘where were they ever’ actors filling the roles of Hawkman, Green Lantern, The Flash, Black Canary, The Huntress, The Atom, Captain Marvel, and who could forget Retired Man. The villains included Frank Gorshin as The Riddler, plus Legion of Doom regulars Giganta and Solomon Grundy along with other forgettable villains. Although Charlie “voot voot” Callas was pretty entertaining as Sinestro.

“The Roast” consisted of Ed McMahon… oh god how do I describe this…making completely awful jokes at the heroes’ expense, peppered with a series of special appearances by their arch enemies, special guest heroes like Ghetto Man, and even Hawkman’s mother showed up. Truly terrifying stuff. But we washed the taste out of our brains with some Futurama, Clone High and Black Books. Giggles commenced.

Today Chris & Nicole (and Katie) from Green Ronin Publishing stopped by. GR is the company that published Spaceship Zero. They brought over some swag for H.P. Lovecraft’s Birthday Party, my contributor copies for the Monsters of the Mind book, and a big fat check. Joyous day! We sat around and talked about GenCon and Kolchack the Night Stalker. They left to take Katie to Science World and I had to scoot for my appointment with Dave & Ann.

Dave is my acting teacher and he’s also the director of the play Aggravated Assault in which I’ll be playing a lawyer. They took me out to a consignment store across from the Hollywood Theater and I tried on some suits. We didn’t end up getting any of them but they picked out a pair of pants and a shirt for me. We’ll get shoes later. I won’t need them for the shoot we’re doing on Monday (yes, I did say a play – but it’s kind of multimedia, in fact it’s a kind of commentary on the media and spin-doctoring). While I was there I got a couple of shirts for myself for (on average) $4 each. Nice. By the way – if anyone knows where I can get a pair of orange cargo pants in town, please let me know.

Tonight I had a fantastic night hanging out with Yvonne, whom I haven’t seen for a while (except last night but that was in mixed company rather than one on one – my optimum friend enjoyment situation). We went for a smoothie (free) at Wrap Zone. Incidentally I like Wrap Zone better than Steamrollers and I’ll tell you why:

1. They have 3 sizes to choose from
2. They have Greek wraps every day, not just Wednesday.
3. They give me a free smoothie when they run out banana.

But I digress. After the smoothie we went down to Anapurna, the vegetarian Indian restaurant on the corner of 4th and Burrard. It was pretty good. Yvonne even had the candied fennel seeds at the end. Plus – I grabbed one of Chris’ coupons from his big book o’ coupons for $10 off the meal so more savings were to be had. Then we walked along the Burrard Street bridge until we found a good spot to watch the fireworks. We were about 2 hours early so we spent a lot of time sitting on the bridge, singing Monty Python songs, watching people walk by, and getting in their way. The fireworks were pretty good. Then we joined the throngs until we got to Bean Around the World where we enjoyed hot beverages and a trip to the lavatory. Then we walked up to Broadway – encountering what looked to me like a banana tree – and solemnly waited for the bus. Yvonne leant me Belle & Sebastian and Tortoise, but she also returned my Masters of Reality CD so that is what I’m listening to right now.

KAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!

I was expecting Chris (my roomie) back from his vacation on Wednesday. It’s now friday. I’m worried! Plus I organized this thingy tonight where we’re watching one of his new DVDs – I would feel bad to watch it without him but people have already committed to come over.

Stewey Doo! Where are you?

Meanwhile, my friend Mike sent me this email:

I went in for jury duty yesterday. I was called to a courtroom for
jury selection; the case involved personal injury in a car
accident. It seems that some of the injury is in the form of
depression and/or other psychiatric maladies. I get in the box and
examination starts.

The judge asks a number of general questions, including “Does anyone
have any experience or knowledge of Psychiatry or Psychology?”
I squirm and consider and raise my hand and say, “I wrote part of a
book called ‘Taint of Madness’ on insanity and the historical
treatment of psychiatric disorders,” which sounds pretty spiffy.
But the judge asks for more information about the nature of my
research and knowledge, and pretty soon I’m talking about role-
playing games and seeing horrible things and going insane. The judge
asks what the name of the game is, and I respond as calmly as
possible, “Call of Cthulhu”.

Cthulhu is now part of the public record in court documents. No
doubt he’s been there before, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

–Mike

PS The defense kicked me off with a peremptory challenge. They
never tell you the reason, but it makes me wonder. Was it that I
have a Master’s degree in physics, a cousin in the CHP, or was it
that I roll funny-shaped dice and worship Cthulhu?

My life sucks (but not really)

Yesterday was D&D night. There are seven players in my group, plus me. Only three players showed up (and one was 2 and a half hours late because he forgot we were playing). What – am I a bad DM? People don’t want to play with me anymore? I want your pity.

No, actually, they all called ahead and had good reasons for not cancelling (unless they were lying, the no good, good-for-nothin’, nogoodniks).

So I watched Labyrinth this week. I saw it once before, a long time ago. I didn’t like it then. But I thought – you know, it’s been a long time – I’ll give it another chance. And all you nerds out there will probably gape and gasp when I say, I didn’t much care for it this time either. The story was practically non-existent. The acting was bare-bones. The songs were terrible. The best parts definitely were the visuals – there was some really great creative stuff, no less than is to be expected from Jim Henson. But I tell ya, it’s no Dark Crystal. I give it a 3/10. And what is with Bowie’s package? Was that part of the contract?

Raisin Hell

What’s the story with those yellow raisins? I mean, am I expected to believe somebody eats them? And yet the grocery store keeps getting them in…taking up valuable shelf space that could otherwise go to wasabi peas. Abomination of abominations.

Meanwhile, Spaceship Zero the RPG got a 5/5 review on rpg.net today, courtesy of Dan Davenport. It’s the most thorough review yet. http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/9/9586.phtml
Plus there’s some interesting rpg.net user comments at the end, including some random racial hatred that has to be seen to be believed. Not something I expected to see on any gaming site. Methinks I shall report it to one of the moderators and have it removed.

Every review I’ve ever seen of SSZ (and I’m betting I’ve seen them all) have been rave reviews: 4.5 out of 5; 9 out of 10; A grade; etc. That’s very gratifying but the sad news is, as Nicole (from Green Ronin, our publisher) puts it we’ve “had precious little luck conveying that to the industry buyers.” Sales could be better. Well Christmas is coming up (did I just type that?) so there’s hope that little Ruprecht will get a copy in his stocking.

I don’t like blogs that are little more than links to other sites on the net. Nevertheless:
http://www.gnoosic.com/index.php is a site that gives you suggestions on what bands/musicians to check out given your three favourite bands/musicians. It’s pretty nifty and if you’re looking for some new music you should give it a whirl.

I played tennis with Ed & Janet today. We probably played for about two hours, though Janet was only there for 2/3 of the uh…session. Then Brian Fukushima showed up and ruined our game.

Well no he didn’t but I felt like saying it.

Guilty Pleasures and Secret Shames

I am now the furtive owner of Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits (2 CD set). I used to listen to this (on cassette of course) when I washed the dishes every night as a teenager living with my parents. Listening to it now, there are a number of tracks that I don’t want to hear. Thank Cthulhu for the CD Player program on my computer, that lets me edit the track order and remove tracks to suit my whims – then remembers my custom line up as the default every time I put the CD.

Favourites: Movin’ Out (Anthony’s Song) and Don’t Ask Me Why.

It was Janine’s idea to go down to Zulu’s. Yes I had been there only two days before but it was an impulse. This was an opportunity to take down my stack of crap CDs for tradesies. And so I did. I got $83 in credit so I got the new Radiohead, the newest Flaming Lips (on the strength of the one song on the mix CD that Anghold made for me), Cake “Comfort Eagle” and The Strokes. But where’s Billy Joel? Well, with the smaller stack of CDs that they didn’t want, we walked down to Music Stop (right by Oscar’s and I Love Hats* on Broadway & Granville) and traded in the rest – that provided me with the Joel. My alternatives was some Filter album, Slayer “Reign in Blood” and the Dracula soundtrack.

* The British middle-aged lady was the perfect choice for the counter at I Love Hats. The only other person I could picture in the hat store was Queen Latifa’s sister. Janine went in to look for a certain pink fedora, but walked out with a grass cap of some kind. I did not buy any hats. I Hate Hats – I’m waiting for them to open that store.

A bird bit me today.
Two days ago Nathan invited me out to go to punk rock karaoke at The Cobalt tonight. I told him I wouldn’t go. But I did go to his place for a while just to spend some quality time with him before he went out. I looked at all the books on his shelves, and we listened to “Damn Your Eyes” by Johnny Cash after I damned Nathan’s eyes. It’s a great song and I had no idea it existed. Daniel and Josh were there, both of whom I have not seen in, like, forEVer. They went out to the Cobalt but I did not. Nathan has a love bird, but it did not live up to its name. It bit me rather hard on the finger. Before I left for home, Nathan gave me a staff. Yes, a nice long wooden staff. I can use it for my art reference photos. I had a lot of fun walking home with this 7-foot long staff, pretending I was a shaolin monk and freaking out the straights. With this new staff, I now have two staffs. I believe that’s quorum for a legitimate staff party.