What Starts with "F" and ends with "ucks?"

Firetrucks. Lots of them. All around the construction site that desecrated my tennis courts, which previously desecrated an ancient Indian burial groud. We (Mike Jackson, Joe, Patrick, and David Bradley) were in the middle of playing Mutants & Masterminds when the power went out. We navigated the apartment by the light of two laptops (by the way, there are apparently 3 wireless connections that hit my apartment, if anyone wants to come over and do their homework) and lit up a half dozen candles so we could keep playing. So romantic. Or spooky, whichever you prefer. To add to the mood, about a dozen sirens screaming around the neighborhood as at least four firetrucks converged on the construction site.

The power came on about a half hour later, and I reset all the clocks (and my relic of an answering machine). It went out again at 2-something in the morning. For reasons unknown, I woke up when it came back on. Stewie was up and about and he told me it was out for 10 minutes. So I reset the clocks again. In my drowsiness, I didn’t think to reset my alarm though. Good thing I woke up every half hour after about 7am for some ungodly reason, and I was actually early for work.

This reminds me of something that happened at Stephane’s birthday part. While we were in the middle of Mario Party we all heard someone yelling “put your hands up! Put your hands up! PUT…YOUR…HANDS…UP!!!” There were about 8-10 cop cars right in front of Sherane’s place arresting someone across the street. With guns waving around the rest of the guys decided to go out and have a closer look on the porch, while I turned off the light in the living room and watched through the blinds in the dark. Ha! No stray bullets for me! We went back to our game and they had this guy sitting handcuffed on the sidewalk for half an hour! Weird.

"All I Had to Do Was Give Up Everything I Enjoy"

I’ve been doing very well eating healthy for the past month. Oh sure I’ve secreted* the occasional chocolate morsel (but not a Nestle Toll House Morsel) once in a while, but generally thumbs up to me. And can I just say, holy smokes is eating ever boring. The above title quote is from an episode of Home Movies where someone comments on how Brendan lost a lot of weight. I am getting le tired of chef salads, but it’s been a series of stiff upper lips until last night, when I went over to Stephane’s for his birthday video game party. There were ketchup chips, soda pop, and a Pac-Man shaped cake, all of which I partook. Oh the scandal! We played some old school Colecovision and Atari games and some Mario Party as well (I came in dead last, even though I had enough gold coins to buy a fine fat goose for my goodly wife). Mmmm…button-mashing fun! But the bad food fiasco was mitigated by my bicycling to and fro Sherane’s which slit the throats of some of those miserable calories, and I also enjoyed a full complement of broccoli, carrots ‘n’ mushrooms with olive tapenade.

*No, not secreted, secreted.

When I was 28…It was a Very Bad Year

Some people go bald, or get grey hair, right out of high school. Some people have allergies when they’re kids*. Other people go through metabolism changes sometime in their twenties. For me, the year 1998 or thereabouts is where my body played terrible, terrible tricks on me. Pick a body part, and something started to go wrong with it. I didn’t go bald, but my hair did recede a tiny bit in the corners. That’s no big deal. However, check out this shopping list of ailments that my body checked off across the board:

acid reflux
grey hair
hair growing out of my ears
jaw cysts
super-dry skin on face
allergy to some kind of tree
migraines
floaters (“muscae volitantes”)
the dribbles “down there”**
hemorrhoids
back problems***
cancer****

…and I’m sure I’m forgetting something.

*I just realized that my Mom told me I was allergic to Tide when I was a kid. I am certainly not allergic to Tide.
**more on this when I’m not at work
*** no longer could I sleep on the floor in any position I wanted without a pillow.
**** Okay I made this one up.

Plush Dustmites & AIDS

If you’re like me, you’ve always wanted a plush dust mite. Well now you can, along with other cuddly microbes and maladies! Especially cute are the epstein-barr virus (mono), ebola, flesh eating streptococcus pyogenes, and the pox syphilis. Plus, haven’t you always wanted a ‘stuffie’ named Black Death? Available in Canada! http://www.giantmicrobes.com/ca/

I'm not a religious man, but…

…I think that the greatest evidence that there is a god is the fact that we haven’t discovered life in outer space yet. We haven’t discovered all of the species on Earth yet we’re quite content to destroy it at every turn. Thankfully life on other planets has been spared our medusa’s gaze (not for our lack of trying).

Mr Hard Nipples

I don’t know what the deal is in this building, but every time I catch my reflection, I’ve got hard nipples. No sir, I don’t like it. I don’t want to be the guy known for hard nipples. Am I going to have to tape them down like in Yentl? (Am I even getting the reference right?)

So this morning I had a dream that I met this girl on a bus, she was a bit chubby and short but otherwise she looked a bit like Julianne Moore with fiery red short hair, and we went to see a film with everyone else on the bus and she started making out with me. Just when things were getting good she turned into a cat. Then some other cat and Kodos showed up and it turned into a dream about me trying to keep cats from killing eachother. What a disappointment.

It was snowing hard when I went to bed, but now it’s melting. Melllllllllltinnnnng what a world!

“Ba” is Mandarin for “8.” Around here, because there are a lot of toll-free lines being dictated to customers, and because we have Chinese customer support staff, you hear a lot of “ba ba ba…” which always makes me think of a one year old reaching futilely for the shiny, primary-coloured plastic shapes on his mobile above the crib.

I was thinking about having people over tonight to watch Network or something. I know it’s short notice but let me know if you’re interested. And I can’t check email during the daytime so just comment here.

Review of Saturday Morning Cartoon Parties Past

I don’t know if I have any records from pre-2001! 

Fourth (2001): Robots: Smurfs (Gargamel’s Puppet); Mighty Orbots; Herculoids (Mekkor); Astroboy; Thundarr the Barbarian (Fortress of Fear); Battle of the Planets (Spectra’s Space Spider); Superfriends (Trial of the Superfriends); Frankenstein Jr; Transformers (Fire in the Sky); Big Guy & Rusty the Boy Robot; Powerpuff Girls (Uh Oh, Dynamo); Jonny Quest (Robot Spy); The Tick (Armless But Not Harmless); Bugs Bunny (Hair-Raising Hare); Spider-Man (Captured by J Jonah Jameson); Superman 1941 (Mechanical Monsters); Futurama (Fear of a Bot Planet)

Fifth (2002): Secret Origins: Star Trek Animated (Yesteryear); Jonny Quest (Calcutta Adventure); Dungeons and Dragons (Treasure of Tardos); Spider-Man (Origin of Spider-Man); Ripping Friends (Stinky Butt); Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot (Creatures Great and Small); Powerpuff Girls (Mr Mojo’s Risin’); Freakazoid! (The Chip); The Tick (Tick vs The Idea Men); Battle of the Planets; Bugs Bunny (Herr Meets Hare); Justice League (Secret Origins)

Sixth (2003): Supernatural: Thundarr (Brotherhood of Night); Jonny Quest (Monster in the Monastery); Superman 1941 (Mummy’s Curse); Star Trek (How Sharper Than A Serpent’s Tooth); Superfriends (Swamp of the Living Dead); Real Ghostbusters (Citizen Ghost); Dungeons & Dragons (Day of the Dungeon Master); Scooby Doo; Birdman; Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law; Battle of the Planets (Space Mummy); Spider-Man (Witching Hour); Samurai Jack (Jack and the Archers); Powerpuff Girls (Boogie Frights); The Tick (HEROES); Freakazoid! (Tomb of Invisibo); Dexter’s Lab (Filet of Soul); Rocko’s Modern Life; Ren & Stimpy (Littlest Giant)

Seventh (2004): Doppelgangers: Star Trek (The Survivor); Dungeons & Dragons (Garden of Zinn); Jonny Quest (Double Danger); Big Guy (1000 Fingers of Rusty); Superfriends (Wanted: The Superfriends); Superman 1941 (Showdown); Superman 1997 (Identity Crisis); Ripping Friends (Manman & Boyboy); The Tick (The Tick vs The Tick); Futurama (Farnsworth Parabox); Sealab 2021 (Lost in Time); Powerpuff Girls (Powerpuff Bluff); Spider-Man (Double Identity); Clone High (Litter Kills–Litterally); Samurai Jack (Jack vs Mad Jack); Aqua Teen Hunger Force (Moonenites); Justice League (A Better World); Freakazoid

Eighth (2005): Outer Space: Ren & Stimpy (Space Madness); Fantastic Four (Galactus); The Tick (Alone Together); Disney (Life on Mars); Big Guy (Birthday Bash); Superfriends (Man in the Moon); Star Trek (Slaver Weapon); Bugs Bunny (Haredevil Hare); Home Movies (History); Captain Star (The Worm Turns); Futurama (Where No Fan Has Gone Before); Duckman (Where No Duckman Has Gone Before); Simpsons (Deep Space Homer); Venture Brothers (Careers in Science); Real Ghostbusters (Ain’t NASA-sarily So)

Cartoon news.

Justice League Unlimited has been cancelled.

They’re working on a Legion of Super-Heroes series.

Two animated Hellboy films are in production.

Umbrellas: Not Cool (but functional)

Holding an umbrella in one hand and a coffee in the other makes you look uncool. If you’re not concerned with looking cool, then that’s fine, and my hat’s off to you. But if you are trying to look cool, and you’ve got an umbrella and a coffee–you’ve failed. Just so you know.

ps – Can someone tell me what DRM is?

pps – has everyone seen the new furry crab that’s been making the news? If not, click on Deep Sea News to the right.