Category: Introspection

Five things you may not know about my time in school.

1. In elementary school I spent a great deal of time in the corner facing away from the classroom, or in the hall, or at the principal’s office. I guess I had cried wolf so many times that Mrs. Douthwaite (we called her Mrs. Deadweight) didn’t believe me when I said I was legitimately feeling sick. I had Kraft Dinner and grape drink for lunch at my friend Ian’s house that day, and it was not sitting well. When I asked to be excused I was refused. Excusal refusal. So I just sat at my desk and felt really sick. The girl in front of me turned around and saw my face, which was clearly death-on-a-pale-horse-white, and alerted Mrs. Douthwaite that I looked legitimately sick. At that point she excused me, but it was just a little too late. I got to the door and opened it, and there, coming out of her classroom across the hall was Mrs. Dare, my kindly first grade teacher. She said “hello Tory” and my response was to puke up the purple mass of half-digested KD.

2. I took two and a half years of post-secondary education. At UCFV they had this two year art program, but they screwed up the scheduling so it was actually impossible to complete the program in two years because they had scheduled two of the requisite classes AT THE SAME TIME. I already thought that school was a sham and I was really just going through the motions anyway, so when it became clear that they had fallen through on their end of the agreement as I saw it, I became completely disillusioned with the education system and never went back to finish my last course and get my certificate (for all the good it would have done me ). The only other courses I ever took was a course in creative writing and a course in cartoon voiceover.

3. I was and am kind of dysfunctional when it comes to ‘real life’ paperwork (taxes, applications, etc) so I never really applied for any scholarships or bursaries, even though I probably would have received something. It seemed like a lot of form-filling for what equated in my mind to be the lottery. Likewise I never applied for any student loan, and I have never in my life been in debt nor do I want to be, so I never considered spending any real time at any real school, tuition being as financially prohibitive as it is. I don’t think my parents had any money set aside for my schooling, and/or they thought it would be a good exercise in independence if I did it myself. If so, that backfired nicely. Furthermore, it’s been explained to me time and again what the difference is between undergrad, BA, PhD and all that other stuff is, but to this day I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around it. I think everyone should have a mentor and he or she should decide when the student is “graduated.”

Oh. That’s only three. Oh well.

When I was in high school I was picked on quite a bit. Stop me if you’ve heard this one. There were usually three or so ‘regular’ bullies who did not-so-nice things to me. That line from Big Robot Dinosaur “hit in the head with a half-eaten orange” is based on true events. I don’t remember the names of all of the bullies but I do remember Ernie. How pathetic is it that I was on the bullied side of a pair with an Ernie in it? The answer is: pretty. Years later, I bumped into him at a party. This was in the heyday of the Thickets and I don’t really know what his deal was but I got the impression that he thought I was now ‘cool’ and so he came up to talk to me. He said something to the effect of “hey you remember me?” to which I replied “Yes. I remember you used to throw rocks at me while I waited for the bus after school.” Now the best part of this very short conversation was what he said next “No, that wasn’t me, man.” Needless to say I brushed him off, and that was satisfying to me, if petty.

There was another guy who used to shove me around in the halls because well…I don’t know. Because he could. Because his mean old man burned cigars into his forehead. Because I never made any attempt to stop him from doing it. Except for one time when he was leaning on a locker with his buddy and as I walked by he stuck his foot out to trip me. I saw it coming from a mile away (that’s a dog mile, mind) but instead of just walking over top I hooked his foot with mine and pulled. He fell on his ass. I smirked to myself and kept walking without a word or a look. I heard him get up behind me and start running toward me. Now let me tell you about a little schoolyard judo I learned back in elementary school (where I was quite the hellraiser and was chased around quite a bit – and rightly so): if someone is chasing you, all you have to is drop down and curl into a little ball just before they reach you and they will likely trip over you. As I heard this bully (let’s call him Pattie because I can) coming up behind me I thought wouldn’t that just be the icing on the cake to do that, but I decided to err on the side of caution and just let him get his shove in so the whole incident would be over and done with and I could get to fourth period Socials or whereever the hell I was going. I was not into confrontation. I would never defend/stick up for myself against bullies in high school. I called it pacifism. I guess I kind of learned that from my dad – not because he was a pacifist, but rather because even if I was right and he was wrong, I simply could not win an argument with him, so there was no point in trying. Just take your lumps and get on with whatever you were getting on to. I think that coupled with my burgeoning hippie philosophies made me an easily and readily available target for bullies in high school. Luckily, Chris Woods didn’t have the same restraint. One day he was with me when Pattie struck, and as I recall Chris grabbed Pattie and slammed him against a locker and said something to the effect of “if you touch him again I’ll kick your ass.” I don’t remember the exact words. But Pattie never bothered me again and so Chris became my hero. He remains my hero to this day, but more so now because of his strong and public advocacy for furry porn. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

I’ve been looking for a serious relationship ever since Tinessa cut me loose in August 2002. I’ve been signed up to a myriad of online dating services and very occasionally I have gone on dates with various gals therefrom. Recently I met Andria on Lavalife and she and I had gone on three dates. Each was full of stimulating conversation, yuks, and interesting activities. Always I enjoyed her company and looked forward to the next time, but I was getting (and giving) more “friend” chemistry than “relationship” chemistry. Replace chemistry with vibes, if you prefer. Before yesterday I hadn’t seen her since Wednesday of last week, what with all the work I’ve been trying to catch up on. We had a date scheduled for yesterday. We were going to go to the beach in Surrey (where she lives) and check out the wildlife.

When Marlo told me on Monday that she had feelings for me beyond friendship, my world went topsy turvy. I don’t even remember when I met her, it was so long ago now. I guess it would be 97 or 98. We chatted online and she seemed really cool to me. Also, sexy. Despite a bit of a crush, I didn’t have ambitions to get in her pants (well – beyond the ambitions I have to get in ANYONE’S pants) I just thought she would make a good friend. As practically everyone knows she is one of my bestest friends, and though she is just as sexy as the day I met her, over time the crush took a far back seat to all the other things that she gives me on a daily basis. Anyway, as I was saying, when she told me she had feelings for me, I told her I would have to think about it. I knew that this would make my life a lot more complicated (and it already has). I knew that other dear friends would be affected. I had to consider the fact that the words “I just want to be single” came out of her mouth and blog more times than I can count over the past several months. I wondered if I went into this and it didn’t work out, would we still be friends?

On the other hand, like I say, I’ve been looking for a relationship for years now. In order to work, my relationship would have to have compatibility, passion, love, trust – all that shit. The same shit that anyone asks for in a relationship. I already love Marlo. It’s stupid how compatible we are. The trust and passion columns get big checkmarks. While I was turning all the data over in my calculator, the Great Gazoo appeared and said “Are you nuts? If you turn Marlo down it may very well become the biggest regret of your life, Dum Dum” and the Great Gazoo is wise and a cartoon, so I readied myself and asked her if she was sure about this. Then I asked her again if she was REALLY sure about this.

The bad news is that at best I feel that I have splintered my group of friends into factions, and that sucks. I don’t like drama, and I don’t really know how to deal with it or minimize it. I feel like no matter what I do (who should I tell first and second and third? Shouldn’t I do it in person? But if I wait until I see someone in person chances are they will have already heard from someone else, and will they resent that? etc etc) will be the wrong thing. I guess the best I can do is continue to go with my instincts, which are notoriously bad but since I have yet to find the Official Guide they will have to do. I love my friends and I want them to be happy, and it disturbs me greatly that there is this friction over the issue(s). I hope that over time things will settle down and return to normal because I don’t plan on hiding or downplaying the good things I have and hope to have with Marlo.

ADDENDUM

I was saving this post until I had talked to James. I wanted to talk to him in person about the situation but, not surprisingly I suppose, I waited too long. I just talked to James on the phone. It seems we won’t be friends anymore and that makes me profoundly sad. I can understand how and why he would be upset. I guess we had as good a conversation as was possible, but I am going to miss him. I guess you can add “at worst I’ve lost at least one good friend” to the above bad news. Maybe the both of us (Marlo & I) have made some bad decisions. I hope that we have not. I guess time will tell.

Last night over dinner it came up how Angie’s sister Pam was my first girlfriend and Marlo was interested to learn about that. As it turns out, I learned quite a bit about it too, and Angie learned some as well. I won’t go into specifics but Ang and I had never traded details, so Marlo & Chris & Stewie got to hear Pam’s side (via Angie) and my side (via me). It wasn’t like a big argument or anything even remotely dramatic, but to me it was just interesting to hear a different perspective after all these years. On top of that Angie reminisced about how one time Warren and I were making fun of Pam behind her back and it made Angie cry. That’s sad and I don’t remember it. It’s true what you’ve heard – 19-year-old Toren can be a prick. Anyway now Pam is married and has a baby and I rarely see her and when I do we don’t really exchange words because we don’t really have anything in common besides our past. And that suits both of us, I reckon. I get to hear about her when Chris gets roped into this or that in-law family obligation and that is no less than I require to go about my life.

And the Gold Kara-NOT-Okay Award goes to Elliot, the guy who “sang” Joe Cocker’s “I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends” with his back to the audience. Silver goes to the crotch-grabbing “Dork” hatted fellow whose “Bohemian Rhapsody” made me wish my water was antifreeze.

Yes, for Marlo’s birthday party the whole gang gathered at The Dufferin for some good new-fashioned karaoke. You’ll read the blogs of Janet, Yvonne and Marlo to learn more, but on my end I’ll mention that I sang “Fernando” with Angie, and “I Ran So Far Away” by Flock of Seagulls and “Daniel” by special request of Marlo. (Also there was delicious cake courtesy Janet & Yvonne, and delicious Denny’s courtesy of Sid ‘n’ Ang)

Next time I have my eye on some Monkees. Everyone (not everyone, but you know) does Frank Sinatra – and I might too. Maybe somebody (Marlo? Sid?) could make me a Sinatra CD? Also, I’ve got to find out who does “I learned the truth at 17 that love was made for beauty queens….”

I went on a date today, and it wasssssssssssssssssssss…
….

…

…good! In fact, we met for bubble tea and then ended up going to the Dr Sun Yat Sen Gardens and then wandered around and then had dinner.

Tonight I went swimming at a pool near Marlo’s house – with Marlo. It was a new experience for both of us. It’s $4.40 between 7 and 9. Adult swim in Coquitlam was $2 but it cost me $2 to get out there so it’s only forty cents more. Trouble was it was pretty crowded – and at 8pm we got kicked out of our side pool to make room for the lousy aquafitters. The instructor’s voice was incredibly shrill and when Marlo and I were discussing the idea of signing up to audit the course (for shits and giggles) I thought that would be the biggest hurdle. It was fun to watch her dancing around like an idiot though. We kept bumping into and kicking other people, it was so crowded. Once my hand came up out of the water and hit the hand of a girl in the other lane coming from the opposite direction. I thought it was romantic, but Marlo compared it more to a high-five. There was a whirlpool room but it was closed off with a sign that read – DANGER – CLOSED FOR SUPERCHLORINATION.

Afterwards we went to get something to eat at a sushi place on main and for 4 bucks I had the yummiest sushi I’ve ever had. It was yam with a bit of cream cheese on top and the whole 8 pieces were covered in crispy potatoe shavings – like a bird’s nest. With the wasabi I could hardly taste the seaweed. Cheap and delicious. Then I biked home – and here I am! I have another story to tell you but it will have to wait until Chris takes a digital pic.