Five Things You Probably Know About Me Because I Forgot I Already Posted Them

Five things you may not know about my time in school.

1. In elementary school I spent a great deal of time in the corner facing away from the classroom, or in the hall, or at the principal’s office. I guess I had cried wolf so many times that Mrs. Douthwaite (we called her Mrs. Deadweight) didn’t believe me when I said I was legitimately feeling sick. I had Kraft Dinner and grape drink for lunch at my friend Ian’s house that day, and it was not sitting well. When I asked to be excused I was refused. Excusal refusal. So I just sat at my desk and felt really sick. The girl in front of me turned around and saw my face, which was clearly death-on-a-pale-horse-white, and alerted Mrs. Douthwaite that I looked legitimately sick. At that point she excused me, but it was just a little too late. I got to the door and opened it, and there, coming out of her classroom across the hall was Mrs. Dare, my kindly first grade teacher. She said “hello Tory” and my response was to puke up the purple mass of half-digested KD.

2. I took two and a half years of post-secondary education. At UCFV they had this two year art program, but they screwed up the scheduling so it was actually impossible to complete the program in two years because they had scheduled two of the requisite classes AT THE SAME TIME. I already thought that school was a sham and I was really just going through the motions anyway, so when it became clear that they had fallen through on their end of the agreement as I saw it, I became completely disillusioned with the education system and never went back to finish my last course and get my certificate (for all the good it would have done me ). The only other courses I ever took was a course in creative writing and a course in cartoon voiceover.

3. I was and am kind of dysfunctional when it comes to ‘real life’ paperwork (taxes, applications, etc) so I never really applied for any scholarships or bursaries, even though I probably would have received something. It seemed like a lot of form-filling for what equated in my mind to be the lottery. Likewise I never applied for any student loan, and I have never in my life been in debt nor do I want to be, so I never considered spending any real time at any real school, tuition being as financially prohibitive as it is. I don’t think my parents had any money set aside for my schooling, and/or they thought it would be a good exercise in independence if I did it myself. If so, that backfired nicely. Furthermore, it’s been explained to me time and again what the difference is between undergrad, BA, PhD and all that other stuff is, but to this day I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around it. I think everyone should have a mentor and he or she should decide when the student is “graduated.”

Oh. That’s only three. Oh well.