Toren’s Guide to Star Trek Voyager: Season 5

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The guys who seem evil are good, and the guys who seem good are evil. Janeway becomes a seclusive weirdo who won’t come out of her ready room or see any of the crew. That seems like grounds for dismissal but luckily I’m not a counsellor or doctor so yeah, go nuts Janeway. Also did you know that space can be polluted with radiation? 5.5/10


Ensign Mulcahey, Seven’s nanoprobes and the Doctors mobile emitter have a baby. Bit of a rehash of “I, Borg” from TNG with Seven in the mix. 6.9/10


B’ellana feels dead inside and only extreme sports can make her feel alive. Tom designs the Delta Flyer. 5/10.


Species 867-5309 have taken human form and recreated Starfleet Academy so they can infiltrate and destroy humankind. This episode saps any interesting aspects away from the Borg’s arch-nemesis and nullifies the previous work to establish them as truly alien. 3.5/10


Neelix has bad dreams about his family being atomized and becomes overprotective of Naomi Wildman when her mom gets caught in a space storm and may be lost or dead. Naomi’s Flotter doll looks terrifying. 6/10


This episode started out promising with an interesting premise. Some unfortunate acting and usual time travel nonsense – I especially like the part where Janeway says “when it comes to time travel paradoxes, it’s best not to think about it.” Special guest appearance by Captain LaForge. 6/10


In this episode there’s a borg device that is causing terrible problems and nobody thinks to shoot a torpedo at it. Also Seven of Nine tries to run in her dumb space heels and we are treated to aliens who wear cool 70s transparent jumpers with christmas lights. 5.5/10


The Cardassian Josef Mengele, or a holographic recreation thereof, can save B’elanna from a giant space bug that can fly through force fields. Very interesting, with a great performance by David Clennon as Crell Moset, but the whole giant space bug thing was sloppy. 7.5/10


Did you know that Tom Paris loved ocean exploration? So much so that he joined Starfleet. Luckily years later he could disobey direct orders from his captain, save an ocean world, and then spend 30 days in solitary confinement. Well, solitary except for all the people he sees. 6/10.


Janeway falls for a “defector” from a telepath-hating fascist alien organization, even though he is obviously playing her for a sucker. Good performance from Mark Harelik as the guy who’s name is almost the same as the Wookiee homeworld. 7/10


The Doctor chooses to save his friend instead of a random crewmember we’ve never seen before and don’t care about. His crisis of conscious goes on for way too long and isn’t resolved. 5.5/10


Interesting premise, where photonic aliens think that holograms are real and organic life is the illusion. They could have got anyone on ship to play Queen Arachnia, for example maybe someone who was studying acting? But I guess Janeway was convenient and cool in a tight spot and looks good in black and white. Not terribly compelling, but a fun ride. 7/10.


Some crew members are sucked through a space anus and crash-land on a hostile planet. Then we are supposed to accept that Tank Girl (Lori Petty) – who is provided with no backstory whatsoever – falls in love with Tuvok despite having no chemistry with him. 6/10


A giant space monster that eats starships manipulates the minds of the Voyager crew so they don’t resist it, and only Seven and a crotchedy old man can save everyone! Weird ambiguous ending. 6/10


Remember when a cube was the only kind of Borg ship? Now there’s spheres, rhombo-hexagonal dodecahedrons and all sorts of shapes that you might find in the science education section of a toy store. Anyway, Seven returns to the Borg collective, meets her dad, and the Borg queen, who is not played by Alice Krige. Also when the Borg display a 3D holographic projection of a human being they choose white male with underwear – I guess the Borg assimilated modesty somewhere along the line. 7/10


Is love a condition or a disease? This episode doesn’t answer that question but it does give a space STI to Ensign Kim while still managing to keep his character boring. 4.75/10


We learn that the crew are all simulacrums of the actual crew, originating from the Demon Planet from last season. So, why should we care about them? Still, an interesting exercise. 5.5/10.


Strange space phenomena are back, this time as “chaotic space.” There are aliens in it and they can only communicate by making Chakotay hallucinate about boxing.  4/10


George Costanza is smarmy while he double crosses the crew of Voyager and alien bounty hunters. 6.6/10


Members of the crew go in a heavily irradiated space ship without hazmat suits or even gas masks. A monster stalks them, a la the movie Alien. B’elanna is angry. 5.8/10


Seven of Nine lets her hair down and goes on dates, just like Data did in that TNG episode “In Theory.” Meanwhile, Scott Thompson from Kids in the Hall in a forehead prosthetic is kind of funny? 7/10


Usually when Janeway does stuff that isn’t bossing people around I get bored and eye-rolly, but this was pretty good! 7.6/10


More of the usual time travel hand-waving when it comes to story inconsistencies, as Seven is recruited by the Temporal Police to discover a saboteur that wants to blow up Voyager. 5.9/10


Is there really no higher rank officer than Ensign Kim who can command the ship while Janeway sleeps? Although he states that he’s a senior officer, Ensign is still the lowest rank of Starfleet personnel. Anyway, an intelligent talking bomb, much like the intelligent talking bomb from Dark Star, really really really wants to go off. Spoiler – it blows up in the end. 6/10.


Gosh if you think it’s a small world wait until you visit the Delta Quadrant. Voyager’s been going in a line for only a few years and they’ve already encountered human beings THREE TIMES. At least these ones are interesting, what with their violating the Prime Directive and murdering aliens to power their ship. But they should have beards. What will happen in part two? 7/10.