Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

Pick your favourite fear:

Asymmetrical things- Asymmetriphobia
Things to the left side of the body- Levophobia
Bowel movements: painful- Defecaloesiophobia
Bridges or of crossing them- Gephyrophobia
Bullets- Ballistophobia
Burglars, or being harmed by wicked persons- Scelerophobia
Chinese or Chinese culture- Sinophobia
Color yellow- Xanthophobia
Cooking- Mageirocophobia
Criticized severely, or beaten by rod or instrument of punishment- Rhabdophobia
Defeat- Kakorrhaphiophobia
Deformed people or bearing a deformed child- Teratophobia
Dining or dinner conversations- Deipnophobia
Dirty, being dirty or personal filth- Automysophobia
Englishness- Anglophobia
Erect penis- Medorthophobia
Everything- Panophobia, Panphobia, Pamphobia, or Pantophobia
Flutes- Aulophobia
France or French culture- Francophobia, Gallophobia or Galiphobia
Friday the 13th- Paraskavedekatriaphobia
God or gods- Zeusophobia
Greek or Greek culture- Hellophobia
Handwriting- Graphophobia
Kissing- Philemaphobia or Philematophobia
Knowledge- Gnosiophobia or Epistemophobia (stop reading if you’ve got this)
Mice- Musophobia, Murophobia or Suriphobia
Mirrors or seeing oneself in a mirror- Eisoptrophobia
Names or hearing a certain name- Onomatophobia
Needles- Aichmophobia or Belonephobia (Marlo?)
Objects, small- Tapinophobia
Ocean or sea- Thalassophobia
Opinions- Allodoxaphobia
Otters- Lutraphobia
Peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth- Arachibutyrophobia
Puppets- Pupaphobia
Railroads or train travel- Siderodromophobia
Relatives- Syngenesophobia
School, going to school- Didaskaleinophobia
Sharks- Selachophobia
Single: staying single- Anuptaphobia
Slime- Blennophobia or Myxophobia
Snow- Chionophobia
Stairways- Bathmophobia
Standing upright- Basistasiphobia or Basostasophobia
Step-mother- Novercaphobia
Tyrants- Tyrannophobia
Undressing in front of someone- Dishabillophobia
Ventriloquist’s dummy- Automatonophobia
Waits, long- Macrophobia
Wealth- Plutophobia
Wet dreams- Oneirogmophobia
Words, long- Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia or Sesquipedalophobia.

Leaky Heaven Circus

Satomi, Yvonne and I went to the Leaky Heaven Circus yesterday and it was really fun and wunderbar. I recommend you look into it and catch it while it’s still going. It goes to Sunday I think. http://www.leakyheaven.com
I went to their website and on the front page was the poster but it was cut up and rearranged so rather than try to figure it out I just clicked on the image and looked for an address inside the site. I found Leaky Heaven Performance Society 600 Campell Ave but it turns out that was wrong so we spent some time trying to find a poster or make calls to get the proper info. We found postcards in a community center that had the real address – 1500 block of Williams St – and when we got there it was sold out, but there was a waiting list that one could be added to, so we had our names added even though she said “it’s not looking too good.” We waited for a while and then they called out 6 more people on the waiting list, then another 6, then another 3 and so on and so on until finally we got in. So, despite my rushed research the day before, we got to see a fantastic circus, complete with madcap monkey shines, rockillicking revelry and haughty high jinks. I donated some extra money after the show was over.

We played D&D tonight and then Anghold and I went over to Ursula’s to play poker. Somehow I ended up with everyone’s money at the end of the night (even though everyone’s money was Ursula’s, and I didn’t get to keep it). I made some bold dealer plays – whatever the term is when the dealer calls what’s wild and how many rounds of how many cards are dealt – but most of my overtures were brutally frowned upon.

eBay at the moon

I just had an annoying eBay encounter. One of the things on my “favourite” searches is the Predator soundtrack. You can fix your settings so that every day you get emails containing new listings for your favourites. I got an email telling me about a listing of a rare Predator promo cd that had all of the songs that are on the regular Predator sountrack (which is a very limited edition CD that usually goes for $60 US or more – which obviously I can’t afford or justify). Usually when there’s a new listing I just bid my max ($20) and I am grossly outbid almost immediately – which I expect. So I did likewise on this listing but a split second after I bid I realized there was a “BUY IT NOW” price of $20, which means I shouldn’t have bid – I should have just hit the BUY IT NOW button and ended the auction. So I emailed the seller telling them I had made a mistake and I would like to “Buy it Now” and then figured out how to retract my bid. So I retracted my bed, and then hit the BUY IT NOW button. Then I Paypalled the guy $26.50 (I had earlier emailed him about how much postage would be and $6.50 was the response). This was yesterday or the day before, and I just got an email that says:

Sorry, but it looks like someone else already beat you to bidding on the item. I show that ebay user llwilloughby won the auction thru Buy It Now and he already sent me a Paypal payment. I only have one CD so I can’t sell it to you. I’ll refund your money immediately. Once again, I’m sorry.

Which I can’t figure out since it took me all of 5 minutes to go from being the first bidder to retracting my bid to hitting the Buy It Now button. I guess god hates me. Or he wants me to save my money. Either way, DAMN YOU GOD!!!!

Also, sellers of Nausicaa DVDs who live in the Vancouver area but won’t let you come and pick up the disc to save $5 on shipping deserve a little kick in the bum.

Don't forget – tomorrow is Knitting in the Buff

I had some errands to do today and it looked overcast out so I dressed slightly warmer than usual. And then when I got to the end of the block I turned around and changed into something cooler. I walked down to Divine Industries our record company where I gave them my only copy of Great Old Ones so that we can reissue the album. Allen was on the phone so I chatted with Laura about Scrabble but then it was back on my feet to go to the Comicshop where I dropped off posters and tickets for H.P. Lovecraft’s Birthday Party. I didn’t plan on buying anything while I was there but I couldn’t resist a few of the open D&D miniatures they had (lemure, ettercap, grick – all monsters all the time), and some discounted DUNGEON magazines (cheap and useful!). I talked with Ryan and Jeremy who work there about the con and this and that – some young kid there was saying that I might not have a steady paycheck from my artwork but at least I’ll have valuable art to hand down to my children. Valuable, valuable words to live by.

From there I walked down to Drexoll Games where I dropped off more tix/posters and while I was there I exchanged the dice that Ursula gave me for my birthday. She saw me ogling dice when we were at the 24-hour game-a-thon and so she got them for me, but she got me the set of 12 six-siders instead of the full nerd set (d4,d6,d8,d10,d12,d20). I was going to keep the d6’s because they could come in handy, but this morning I decided that I had enough d6’s for my needs – but not enough d20’s, so off I went. Ziggy was there so at first I wasn’t sure if he had the authority for exchanges (since I didn’t have the receipt) but it was no problem. The problem arose when I went to find the set I wanted (dark marble royal blue with gold numbers) and I saw the green dark marble and then a kind of neat plasma green that were also very appealing to my artistic sensibilities. There was a girl there talking with Ziggy so I asked her which ones she liked best. She picked the dark green. Then I showed them to Ziggy and he chose the plasma green. My original jones had been for the royal blue so I was back where I started. I decided that I better roll for it! Ziggy got out a d6 and I decided 1-2 = dark green, 3-4=plasma, 5-6= blue. I rolled a 6 so we made the exchange and I was $1.50 up on the deal to boot.

TO BOOT!!!!

Then I walked over to Jolly’s Bistro and I had a veggie roti. The food there is really tasty but about 10% too expensive. I suggest you try it though (it’s just west of the Naam). Marlo and I are on no junk-food diets right now (pretty much since we saw Supersize Me!, although for me it had more to do with the fact that I had a buddy, not because I saw the movie. It’s been something I’ve been thinking about for a couple months now. The problem (if you can call it that) is that Kelly is a chocolatier and she always brings over decadent treats that are delicious-cubed. I think the hardest thing to do will be to give up chocolate, in fact I don’t think I’m going to do that. I’m just going to cut down. Nixing the chips & pop won’t be much of a problem – nuts/raisins and juice make good alternatives. There’s no alternative to chocolate though.

Now I’m off to draw undead squid for charity….

World Wildlife Federation of Justice.

We had a couple new superheroes to the home WWFJ campaign today – Otter Destruct (super strength and invulnerability) and Drako (Duck with draconic powers) joined Go-Rilla, Bushido Dragon and the Invisible Fink. They saved the lives of several animaloids in a burning building, part of a rash of arson that has been plaguing New Metro City of late. The Invisible Fink arrived late (he heard about it on the news while everyone was on the scene moments after the fire started (by two firebombs in the building, as it turns out). A hippo that Otter D saved told her that he had information about the arsonist, and that he’d meet her at the waterfront subway station at midnight with more info. The heroes arrived (most undercover) later that night to meet with him. The hippo took them across the street into a construction site where he introduced them to his “boss” – a shadowy horse wearing a hood. The horse said “Superheroics are all well and good, but I’m prepared to offer you something more substantial for your abilities” and he cracks open a couple briefcases filled with money. Go-Rilla asks “and if we refuse?” The dark horse snaps his fingers and out of the shadows come Tarmadillo and Rhinosferatu. That’s where we paused for the day.

It occurs to me that if we had gone to see Supersize Me! at Tinseltown instead of 5th Ave Cinema we would have each saved $2 for a total of $8. And the seats would have been comfier. And bubble tea would have been on hand. Anyway….

3 out of 4
or 4 out of 5
or 8 out of 10.
You pick the rating system you like best.

James got me a rock lord – which I think is my fifth. Then we drove out to Chilliwack and I forgot to give him gas money because I didn’t ride home with him. In a convoluted set of circumstances Stewie needlessly rented a car and went separately from the rest of us, so we actually had a spare seat in James car which if I had known about it earlier I would have dragged Anghold along. Anyway that’s all ducks under the windbridge now. The reason we went to Chilliwack was because we were invited to Sid’s BBQ. I ended up eating a hamburger even after seeing Supersize Me! I saw all the usual Chilliwackian residents like Bob, Garett & Lea, Tara & Jordan, my brother, etc etc. Even Suzanne Bate who I haven’t seen for years. After the food we bandied about ideas for a short to make for the H.P. Lovecraft film festival and I came up with this great idea that would take way too long and would have limited appeal to non-Ghostbusters fans but I still think it’s a great idea and I think that Stewie and I will work on it (covertly – shhhh). Nevermind that we still haven’t gotten our SSZ treatment to Stuart Gordon yet. Then we played Pac-Man, Galaxian, DigDug and 2 other weird retro games for way too long and watched children playing with children, dogs playing with dogs, and children playing with dogs. It was all very culture (as opposed to counter-culture) but quite enjoyable, and hey – free food. It was Linda’s birthday yesterday so there was cake for that too. You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you? Don’t worry, now that it’s July it won’t be long before I post an entry that I’m sure we can all relate too.

Also, I phoned my grandparents yesterday. My grandpa actually said “you’re another day older and deeper in debt.” I guess some sayings never get worn out – I know I’ll be telling my czar chasm joke until I’m 85 so fair’s fair.

New Metro City

So Disney is blocking Michael Moore’s new movie criticising George W Bush because it may “jeopardize tax breaks granted to Disney for its theme park, hotels and other ventures in Florida, where Jeb Bush is governor.” Of course that is horrific and of course it is no surprise.

Yesterday Yvonne and I redesigned Vancouver for my anthropomorphic super-animals game I’m working on. There’s now a dam in North Vancouver and a military academy by Stanley Park and a Coney-Island like boardwalk along Sunset Beach. I’m going to do it all up nice-nice in the next few days. Has anyone been to Disappointment Lake, and if so – did it live up to it’s name?

Has anybody else noticed that recently when you search for something in Google, it will give you your list of results, and a few seconds later in will pop extra listings, to whit:

Free Virus Scan
Scan for spyware, malware and keyloggers in addition to viruses, worms and trojans. New threats
and annoyances are created faster than any individual can keep up with.
http://defender.veloz.com/ – 15k

You can find MAPQUEST right now at Info.com.
Click here to show top and relevant search results for MAPQUEST from 14 Search engines with just
1 click.
http://msxml.us.info.com/ – 44k

right under the first listing? I wonder if this is some new deal Google has or if it’s due to some virus-like thing on my computer. One thing for sure – I hate it.

I think it would be fun to crash wedding ceremonies and when the priest says “if anyone knows any reason why these two people should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace” cry out either one of their names longingly and run up to declare your secret love. That would be a fun activity for an otherwise dull Sunday afternoon.

How to DM – The Long (Old) Post

Being a Dungeon Master takes a lot of skills. First off, everyone expects you to know the rules. If you’re lucky (and I often am), one of the players I DM will know a specific rule, so I don’t have to spend 5 minutes looking up the “trip” rules, for example. Keeping all the players waiting while you look up rules is a no-no. The rules in D&D are pretty intimidating if you’re not Adrian or Jon. These are smart, smart guys who can read something once and absorb it for all time. I, for starters, don’t take the time to read through the rulebook (historically, I’ve spent more time creating my own rules than poring through someone else’s) so that’s a point against me right there. If I arbitrarily decide that a rule works this way or that way on the spot, is that going to skew the balance of an encounter?

More importantly is being consistent with the rules. If, for example, I decide on impulse that a certain spell or game mechanic works a specific way (whether or not it’s in line with the actual rules), the players will expect it to work the same way next time. If it doesn’t, the suspension of disbelief is in danger of being compromised.

As a DM – you have to give everyone their fair share of showtime. It’s kind of like being the director of a play. If you give too much time to one character/player, the other players may not have as much fun. It’s really easy to favour (give more attention to) one player over another, if one player is boisterous and forthcoming while the other is shy and quiet. Especially in my situation now, where I am DMing a group that is not as experienced as I usually game with, this can be a challenge. I don’t want anyone to lose interest because they’re not getting the coaching that they need to understand the ins and outs of just what is going on, what is possible and what is not possible, rules-wise or situationally. D&D combat can essentially be a strategy game, and the more you know the rules the better your strategy can be. When the opportunities arise, I introduce the special moves like flanking, grappling and bullrushing, one at a time, to the group.

Control of the table is another issue. Whenever you game with a group of people who get along really well – which thankfully is 95% of the time with me – it’s easy for people just to crack jokes and basically socialize at the table. That’s a lot of fun and there is usually nothing wrong with it – but it can get out of hand. Especially with larger groups, certain players will go off on tangents that may include the whole group or just a couple of players, which can be distracting as a whole. This was a huge issue when I was playing with Chris Woods, Warren and Bob back in Chilliwack. We would just bullshit for at least an hour before we even started gaming, and including our many, many, many tangents could cut an evening of D&D in half. If everyone is fine with this, it’s no problem. But if you want to accomplish a certain something in a session and you’ve got a limited amount of time to do it, socializing can cripple your chances to do that, and you find yourself having to call a game at an inopportune time (like the middle of combat). If people stop paying attention, you find yourself wasting others’ time describing the same things over and over again. If someone doesn’t pick up on a vital piece of information because he wasn’t listening, it can cost their character his life, and that leads to serious pouting. One of the most often heard paraphrases at a gaming table is “well if I had known this then my character would never have done that!”

Crafting a tale is a whole ‘nother kettle of piranha. I DM for 2 different D&D campaigns – in one “Adventurer’s Guild” campaign each adventure has absolutely nothing to do with the next except that each is in the Freeport area and involves many of the same characters from episode to episode. The girl group I run on Wednesdays, on the other fist, is part of a long campaign that I have plotted out. This requires me to take the players on an epic journey from point A to B to Z, and I have to know where I’m going ahead of time. I’m not writing each chapter myself – I’m stringing a series of published adventures together with a common thread, and this in itself is a task. I have to adapt the individual themes of the scenarios into a cohesive campaign. I have to introduce a setup for each payoff. I have to introduce foreshadowing. I have to know the parts that each player character (PC) and non-player character (NPC) will play.

At the same time I’m giving the characters direction with my various plot points, I shouldn’t make my players feel that I am marching them down a corridor with no exits. The players have to be able to make choices that will affect the story. If a player has no control over his destiny, where is the fun? So as a DM I have to be prepared that the players will make decisions that could quite possibly derail my story. I have to try to anticipate their actions–based on the player’s attitudes and the character’s motivations–that I can adapt the story so it doesn’t fall apart. And if I fail to anticipate, which happens from time to time, then I have to be prepared to make stuff up on the fly, and it’s best if the players can’t tell what’s improvised and what’s pre-planned. If they can tell, that’s one more botched suspension of disbelief, as they acknowledge the man behind the curtain.

There are many other things to consider: Am I not giving them enough rewards (Experience & treasure)? Are the magical items I’m providing going to bite me in the ass when the PCs use them? Will they destroy the challenges I set against them too easily, or will I accidentally pit them against a monster or trap they can’t possibly beat? Am I balancing out the combat-to-plot ratio properly?

Are the NPCs I create memorable? Are they characters? Do they have their own personality? Right now there’s an NPC called Wainscotting (an NPC name I use in most of my campaigns) tagging along with the group, and he’s said all of three sentences to the group. In that tiny amount of interaction with the group the players have come to their own conclusions about Wainscotting. Michelle doesn’t trust him. Marlo thinks he’s not pulling his weight with the group. Really, I’ve been building his personality as we go along (but for the players who may be reading this – that’s not to say that everything about his presence is an “accident”), and I’m quite happy with the way things have turned out. I guess I’ve never had a problem creating characters with personality (maybe it’s the actor/impressionist in me) – in the Freeport campaign I had to play two dozen different characters for Sea Lord Drac’s fancy dress ball. It was a challenge, but from playing the head of the wizard’s guild (Alec Guinness) to Drac himself (Christopher Walken) it was also very gratifying to see the players have fun interacting with the NPCs.

I’m a little worried that I haven’t planned enough; that my lack of reading ahead will make the transitions between adventures too rough. But right now, I think the biggest problem with my current group is “dead air.” This happens to some extent in every campaign, but because most of my players are new and inexperienced, if I’m not telling them that something is happening, there is a tendency to avoid decision-making. I guess this is better than a lot of arguing. I don’t want to lead the players around by the nose so I am giving them plenty of breathing room to get accustomed to the game and to one another, and I’m sure as the group plays more and gets comfortable, these awkward silences will shorten and disappear.

That all said – I think this campaign is going pretty well. I think last night’s session was one of the most fun and memorable for everyone: they finally found some treasure, got the opportunity to soundly bash some monsters (in this case skeletons), and found and rescued the guy they’ve been looking for for 5 sessions. Now for phase two: Mwoo-hahahaha!

APPENDIX: Toren’s Secrets of GMing.

I love to keep my players in suspense and keep them guessing. Poker face is key. There is nothing more blatant than going through an entire adventure and glossing over every room saying “you search the room and find nothing” and then getting to a final room and when a player searches you ask them “where are you searching, exactly?” It’s obvious that the room contains something hidden, and the players will keep trying to search the room until they find it. I approach every room and every area as though it had everything the PCs could possibly find: traps; monsters; treasure; damsels in distress; whatever. It may seem a little pedantic and time-consuming, but I think constantly asking the question “who is turning the handle on the door” when somebody says “we go into the next room” simply adds a bit of realism to the encounter (or non-encounter, as the case may be). Randomly rolling huge numbers of dice behind the screen serves a similar purpose – the players should never become complacent that nothing bad could possibly happen while the DM is sitting back with his head resting on his hand.

A final word about NPCs. Non-Player Characters are, to me, a fantastic tool. Apart from all the usual entertainment factors, they provide a mouth through which information (true or false) can be provided. If you need to impress upon (i.e. – warn) a group that a situation is extremely dangerous – you can kill off a beloved NPC to hammer home the point – I find this provides a slap of realism to PCs who become complacent that their characters are immortal. Although I am usually loathe to use them this way, NPCs can be the DM’s deus ex machina: if something needs to be done to advance the plot and the PCs aren’t doing it – you the DM can take control of the situation if need be without a blatant hand of god coming out of the clouds to set things right. It’s a good thing Wainscotting was around last night or Deanna’s brand new character might have been nourishing a growing Grey Ooze instead of healing up in the temple of Dorl Tavyani. Not that that was the only way out, but it just so happened that all the other characters nearby couldn’t win a grapple check with all the grace of Terak on their side.

If You Love Christmas So Much, Why Don't You Marry It?

I had a dream this morning that Anthony Hopkins came to my house. And that I had a house.

Moving on…

Movies I want to see as soon as possible:

Return of the King
Triplettes of Belleville
Intolerable Cruelty

Movies I am also interested in but theoretically could wait until video/dvd:
Matchstick Men
21 Grams
Mystic River

(Don’t forget, Princess Mononoke & The Dark Crystal are playing at the Placebo on Sunday (28th), and p:ano (the band) is playing at the Sugar Refinery on Monday (29th).)

I went down to Drexoll Games today and picked up a cool monk figure with a spiked chain. I didn’t really know what I was looking for – there were a few that caught my eye, but I decided I didn’t have enough monk minis in my collection. I like it. I also bought an issue of Dungeon Magazine which has some really interesting adventures in it (but only 2).

For posterity, I will catalogue here the really bad joke I thought up while I was walking from Broadway to 4th Ave.

Hugo: I really love Christmas
Buford: If you love Christmas so much, why don’t you marry it?
Hugo: Marry Christmas?

Sorry, it’s all in the delivery.

I had a look at their boxing day sale table. amidst the games etc was a copy of Cults Across America, a Cthulhu board game for which I did art. It’s actually a pretty good game, but it takes a long time to play and it’s expensive ($70). They (Darcy & Tamara, shopowners) tried to apologize to me for marking it down but I wouldn’t let them. When Jeff showed up in the store a few minutes later, he rubbed it in my face that the game was on sale, but then had to apologize when somebody bought it!

While I was browsing through the miniatures a fellow nearby asked me if I had anything to do with Spaceship Zero (the RPG). He asked me if I would run a game of it at his stag party. Yeah, you read right. I thought that was pretty choice and of course I agreed. He hasn’t set a date yet but I gave him my card. I knew I carried those stupid things around for a reason.

Return to the Temple of Gingerbread Evil

Return to the Temple of Gingerbread Evil

Having heard rumours of gingerbread treasure in an ancient gingerbread temple, our gingerbread adventurers gather.

The entrance to the temple is dark (except for the windows), foreboding, and delicious.


Toren’s half-orc barbarian is ambushed from above by three gummi bloodsuckers. His life-icing is tragically and noisily sucked out of him. Even with his high Fortitude save, he never stood a chance. The cleric could revive him, but figures “ah, why bother?”

A bevy (school? murder?) of gummi lobsters guard two coveted icy squares. Unpictured: Darcey’s gruesome death by nippers.

A clodhoppers trap claims the life of another valiant adventurer. Bards will sing glorious ballads of the tragic tale of Stewie’s cleric.

The remainder of the group enters the domain of the Cult of the Gummi Bear, interrupting their unholy sacrificial rites before the alter to some nameless profane gingergod. Note the two treasure chests in the back right and the colourful, starry side-effect of Ang Hold’s necromantic aranea’s miscast spell.

The gummi cultists handedly dispatched, Yvonne’s halfling rogue checks for traps on the treasure chests…

…sadly she fails her roll. There were no survivors.