Category: Introspection

Good morning. One part good, one part morning. A few people say this to me at work: Pete, Cyril, Nicky, Taylor. Because I am Mr Literal, I choose to take it at face value — good morning. My response varies from “I’m with you on the ‘morning’ part” or “not really” to, if I’m feeling nice, “hello.” I almost never say “good morning” because if I had to get up at 7:22 to go somewhere I don’t want to be, then it’s decidedly not a good morning. I feel I have a right to be cranky under the circumstances. I certainly don’t expect anyone else to be chipper at the prospect of being on their feet for the next 7 hours.

Other people, the more “homey” types, say “what’s up?” instead of “good morning.” I don’t think it’s actually a question, but I answer it anyway. Usually with “books.”

This time last year I was mentoring Liam, running Freeport D&D adventures, having a short stint at the gym in Coquitlam with Anghold, and going to Hell’s Kitchen. This according to last year’s calendar. Before my blog, the calendar was pretty much my diary, and each entry read “meet this person here at this time” or “played Power Enterprise with these people.”

This time this year, I visited Marlo for a special Valentine’s date. I got her some rosy quartz dice from Drexoll Games and they went over big. I also got her a Dragon Magazine and wrote her a special little true story. She got me Desert Sessions 9/10 and a big heart-shaped box full of chocolates (and some jelly beans a couple days ago). Easily my best Valentine’s Day in as long as I can remember. Yay for Torlo!

Marlo asked me the other day why I prefer girls with short hair. I haven’t thought about this for a while, so here we go:

1. I can see the neck. I like the female neck. It’s one of my favourite bits.

2. This may be complete bullshit, but my observations over my adult life is that women with short hair are more independent, and I find that attractive.

3. Short hair is low-maintenance. Are girls with short hair also low-maintenance? The thought occurred to me. See note regarding bullshit (above).

4. Especially in the 80’s when I became less of a boy and more of a man, short hair was quite uncommon, and so I think I found it just a little exotic. Or at least, not mainstream. And that appeals to me too, what with me being a freak and an outcast.

5. Maybe I’m a dyke trapped in a man’s body?

I wanted to blog more, but this confounded mouse is making it really frustrating to work on the computer, so I’m just going to go make dinner. Hey, that’s a good name for a convention: Con-Founded

Last year, on the first day of 2004, I found a ten dollar bill on the road. Perhaps a portent for a financially fruitful year? Not so. 2004 was the year of no money for Toren. So much so that I had to get a part time job. That’s the saddest part of all. But 2004 was also the year I got together with Marlo, which is fantastic. My nearly 2-year relationship with Tinessa seems like a different world now. And since then, I had been single for another 2 years. I’ve never really been satisfied as a single person. Every public event – parties and get-togethers – half of the reason was hanging out with friends. The other half (where applicable) was the hope that I might meet a girl. Not just a girl, but the girl. It’s such a relief that I don’t have to wonder and expend that energy now.

I did enjoy being single and spending more time with a varied amount of people, but I’ve been ready to spend more time with just one person for a good long while now, and I’m enjoying that too. I’m sorry if that took anyone by surprise. I worry that some people think they’ve fallen by the way side, and I recognize that in at least one of my previous relationships I actually was forced to give up friendships that I did not really want to give up as part of keeping things going with my girlfriend at the time. But the fact is that although I spend a lot of time with Marlo, very rarely do we set aside time that is just for the two of us. We still do all the things we used to do as friends, with other friends, with a few exceptions that cannot be helped. We play D&D, we have game nights, we hang around and watch movies with Stewie etc.

Last year at about this time I was getting tipsy on…I don’t even remember the drinks. Vodka coolers or something. I got my Cloney McStudent address labels in the mail. I was looking into mentoring. I was watching Return of the King at the Metrotown Mall. I got my flail in the mail.

Marlo and I had our first fight today. It lasted about 5 minutes. I started it, over a muffin. Then we kissed and made up.

Isn’t it interesting how as you get older, the age difference between people you associate with – even are friendly with – becomes wider and wider. Most teens won’t have anything to do with others outside a few years difference in age, but when you’re thirty, you can have friends who are twenty and forty, or more. And when you’re 10, you want nothing to do with those filthy 8-year-olds. And when you’re 1, you won’t even talk to an embryo.

Cheap
Stingy; miserly. chintzy, closefisted, illiberal, mean, miserly, narrow, niggardly, parsimonious, penny-pinching, penurious, skimpy, skinflint, tight, tight-fisted, ungenerous
Antonyms: extravagant, free-spending, generous, liberal

I was talking to Marlo today about my spending habits. I think I am known to some as being cheap. Currently, I don’t deny that. What some people don’t know is that my spending habits are directly in proportion to my financial situation. I think that is true for most people. But for the past 2 years, my savings have been in decline, and I now find myself as poverty-stricken as when I lived in Chilliwack. Some of my Chilliwack friends call me cheap. They knew me at a time when I was on welfare for a couple years. Before I saved up enough money to move out of Chilliwack, I was working at The Book Man for 2 hours a day (except on Sunday), and then was supplemented by welfare, insofar as I was making exactly the same amount of money working as I was when my only income was from welfare, because I was still below the poverty level.

At the high mark in my bank account, I had over $7000. That was when I was working at Macneill Library Service/National Book Service and drawing professionally at the same time. And that was when I went out to eat every night; and that was when I bought my deluxe 32″ tv to replace the crappy small b&w one; and that was when I took a trip to New York. That was when I didn’t need to pinch my pennies.

Now it’s come full circle and I am po’ again. For the first time in my life, I am in debt. (One of the reasons I didn’t go to university was because I never wanted to be in debt.) So once again I must be spendthrift. I cannot afford nice things. If it wasn’t for the 40% discount at Raincoast I’m pretty sure all this year’s Christmas gifts would be as they were last year – handmade or scrounged.

In summary, I do feel some shame about being known as ‘cheap,’ but the sad fact is until the crazy rich uncle I didn’t know about dies and leaves me his estate, my climb back into the world of faberge eggs and mink stoles will be a slow and ponderous one. Note that once I am there I will crush you all.

Friends I saw this week:
Marlo, Stewie, Paul, Kelly, Michelle, Ken, Warren, Slater, Kathryn, Jon, Jeff, Darcy, Taylor.

Friends I hope to see next week:
The usuals plus: Yvonne, Sheri & Stephane, Ursy, Janet & Brian, if we can get this BIG KAHUNA movie night organized (anyone else interested?); Michelle, Kelly, Paul.

Friends I won’t see this week because Fudge Zombies is cancelled (in part because I’ll be drawing):
Lisa, Palle, Mike J, Don, Pauline

There are things you have to do in life. Things you don’t want to do, but you just bite the bullet and push on through. Things like…oh you know, interacting with people. Especially people with whom you have little to nothing in common. I have to do this at work, and this week I had to do it at Marlo’s work. Marlo asked me to come to her office Christmas party. I pretty much knew what it would be like, and it lived up to my expectations. At the best of times I have troubles with crowds. I wouldn’t say that I’m ochlophobic, I don’t really fear crowds, I just get tense and quiet and close up in large groups. Or even small groups. I’m much better one on one, generally speaking.

I don’t know what to do with myself in social situations. This is why I suck at schmoozing and will probably only get so far in the entertainment industry (if I haven’t already peaked). I was 15 minutes early for the party, and the first thing I did after I showed up and was greeted by Marlo was grabbed a candy cane, so that I would have something to do with my hands and my mouth. I pretty much spent the entire party eating, until I started to feel sick. We mostly spent the party at Marlo’s work area or moving from room to room quickly and with purpose. When I went to the bathroom, I felt a tremendous pressure temporarily relieved, and I don’t mean from my bladder. I have to imagine most people have felt the the same way at some time or another – leaving a crowded, noisy room, closing the door behind you into this quiet, intimate space – leaning against the wall and breathing out a massive sigh. I know Marlo feels the same way. If she didn’t have to be there, she wouldn’t have been. I didn’t have to be there, but the fact is I care deeply for Marlo and in the big picture it’s a minor inconvenience. Like I say, it’s something we all have to do. I would certainly support her in more ways than to weather a few hours of discomfort at a party with lots of free food, and be happy to do it.

The irony is, of all parties, that’s probably the kind of party that I most enjoy – the subdued, adult, hors d’oeuvred party where you can sit down and chit chat, rather than a raucous beerfest with music so loud you can’t hear anything. The problem was, I didn’t know anyone there (with the obvious exception) and I didn’t have any great motivation to get to know any of them. There were a few people that I did not find outwardly …uninviting. There were maybe a handful of people with whom I imagined I could have a conversation without trying to find the first opportunity to squirm away, but even better than following through on that was keeping to myself and to Marlo and nibbling away at chocolate and cheese until other people started to leave so that it was not indecorous that we do likewise.

Marlo says she’s socially retarded. That’s one more thing that we have in common. Solidarity!

On Friday Marlo & I had a turkey dinner at Marlo’s parents. I had written this big paragraph about how much I feel at ease with Marlo’s folks, but I must have done something when I was looking at the calendar trying to figure out what I did 4 days ago, because when I turned back everything I had written was gone. Suffice it to say that in the past I have felt uncomfortable around anyone’s parents (especially girlfriend’s) and older people in general, so it’s refreshing and wunderbar that that’s not the case with Keith and K. I also met Graeme and Amber (Marlo’s brother and his girlfriend) and they were also very nice. We discussed toilet training foibles during dinner. The food was fantastic and I sure look forward to Christmas!

We slept over on the Haida bed in the basement after watching Prisoner of Azkaban on the huge-normous TV. They have the kind of house that makes me want to sneak into the kitchen late and night and eat something forbidden. We got a ride back on Saturday and spent some time in a pet store near Marlo’s place, and I got some of that cat litter that is biodegradable. But I left it at Marlo’s because, well…ask me later. Then we came back to my place and Marlo cut my hair and dyed it black (with a hint of blue). It turned out swell and is the talk of the town. We watched Kill Bill and Enterprise and some ghost show that Stewie is taping for someone. The ghost show was terrible but Stewie was too polite to tell Marlo and me to stop constantly making fun of it.

Sunday we went for a delightful walk around the richie area south of here. We also checked out the pet stores for a new litterbox for the monster because…well, ask me later. Then Marlo went home and I drew and had an online VGG meeting to facilitate the successful organization of our gaming con Weathertop 2005!

All in all a superfun weekend. This week: gaming @ Stephane & Sheri’s!

Friends I’ve already spent time with this week:
Marlo (natch)
Stewie (natch)
Mike
Palle
Don
Pauline
Darcey (kind of)
Jamie (kind of)
Taylor

Friends I plan on spending time with this week:
Yvonne
Stephane
Sheri
Michelle
Paul
Kelly

Next week:
Kate
Theo
Jeff
Other Mike
Other Chris
Shawn
Kathryn
Adrian
Jon
Warren

Plus random or yet-to-be-planned stuff

Also people at my work thought Taylor was my brother.