Just a bit of news…from Edward Martin III
This is a movie I did the main character’s voice for.

“The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath”
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384057/ http://www.petting-zoo.org/Movies_Dreamquest.html
This is still selling, and we have news. Diamond Comics has accepted “The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath” to appear in their April issue of solicitations. It’ll be noted as a Spotlight Item, which will bring it a little more attention. This is very exciting for us because it’s entirely possible that this single order could wipe out our stock of the autograph edition. This would be v-e-r-y good! So, if you or someone over whom you have financial influence is a comic book fan, be sure to tell your shop you want to nab a copy when the solicitation comes out in April.

More email that annoys as it entertains.

From: “jerry nanni”
To: “lelah bennet” Subject: someone would like to meet you online
Date: Wed, 10 Mar 2004 09:17:06 -0800
Hey Confidant,
did you forget about me, That personalsite kicked me off for beingexplicit can you believe it? So I got someone else to put something up for me, tell me what you think and leave me a message.
I really want to get together with you.
leave me a message here I’ll reply asap
ciao
hispanicgirl
To indicate that you would rather not be contacted by statement:
Please print out a copy of this announcement and include it with your mail.
Suite #186
4-1150 N. Terminal Ave.
Nanaimo, British Columbia
V9S 5L6
Canada
Follow this link and it will direct you to your communication Preference page
where you will be able to manage and control future announcement.

I am going to use that address for something.

7-11 vs. Mac’s: The Hot Chocolate Wars continue

Mac’s has six types of free syrups. 7-11 has only four.
7-11 has four types of hot chocolate. Mac’s has only one.
7-11 has cans of tiny marshmallows you can sprinkle into your hotty choco.
7-11 is closer to me.
Assuming the prices are the same (I didn’t check), I’m going to have to declare 7-11 the winner this time.

I don’t remember swearing to secrecy…

I was stupid when I was younger. Sorry, rephrase: I was more stupid when I was younger. Stupider, even. If my mother had truly known anything about my friends, she would have told me that Garett, Fred, Ken & all the rest were a bad influence. And she would have been right, god bless them. Amongst the frat boy antics we enjoyed, we decided that holding watergun skirmishes in the mall parking lot in the middle of the night dressed in dark clothing would be a really good idea. I recall spending most of the time hiding in those lonely islands of foliage (dude, you could park two more cars there, it’s not like saving these three bushes makes up for bulldozing & paving over the 500 others. I say go the distance. Really all you’ve accomplished is provided me, perverts, or all of the above with a hiding space. It’s not like the high-school dropout consumer whores [and how!] of Chilliwack are coming back from their hour and forty-five minute shopping therapy with two-four and beaded seat cover in hand declaring “Whoo! It’s so nice to get back to nature, you know?” and then shouting Ricola!!! before they get in their filthy 1978 Honda Accords.) waiting in ambush for somebody to come by so I could get the “jump” on them. When the cops showed up, most of us chose to remain out of sight, but for whatever reason Ken was caught out in the open, and (right or wrong, my memory chooses to tell me) walk towards the police car with realistic (this was in the day before toy guns only came in flourescent orange) water-uzi in hand. As you can imagine, the cops came out of their car with arms over the car door, guns drawn and pointed at Ken. Though nobody was shot or arrested, our little party was clearly over.

Item Not Won – Similar Items Found

Dear torenmcborenmacbin,
Unfortunately, your bid did not win the following item from evrosidds:

PREDATOR SOUNDTRACK SCORE CD LIMITED EDITION – Item #2520008656
Final price: $105.00
Your maximum bid: $0.06
End date: Mar-09-04 15:10 PST

HOLY CRAP! I finally got my archives working (more or less). Take advantage of them while you can! None of the images will work as they’ve been long deleted from my server space, though.

Marlo custom-made me a CD to play during D&D combat. It’s great! The best songs are from the Predator movies. Predator has a really bitchin’ soundtrack, I gotta say. And I just did! And copies are going for $100 US on ebay so it’s out of my price range. I finished running “Cradle of Madness” – a D&D scenario from Dungeon Magazine #87 for James, Norm et al tonight, and it very nearly killed them all. If I had run it as written, they would probably all be dead. It said the room would collapse in 3 rounds for 20d6 damage (that’s a lot, kids!) and I decided that was a bit excessive, since it pretty much would take 2-3 rounds just to get out of the room. So I fudged the rules and the party survived. When the new adventure book Black Sails Over Freeport comes into my hands I am going to run it next month; The characters are exactly the levels they need to be for it.

Blacklisted!!!

James didn’t call me back about tennis so he’s on the blacklist. Marlo’s on the blacklist too because I’m 93% sure she’s the reason I didn’t get a callback. Ed’s on the whitelist because he said he’d play tennis with me on Thursday. Ang was on the blacklist because she had to cancel donuts & movies on Sunday but then she got on the whitelist listening to me whine, so now she’s on the greylist. I guess actually Ang’s mom is the one who should be on the blacklist and not Ang because she’s the reason…oh I’m too tired to figure out the best way to structure this confusing sentence.

The Lost Art of Hanging Out

I was whining to Ang about social burnout. Or rather – host burnout. After the cartoon party and the miniature painting potluck and roleplaying sessions twice a week I need a bit of a break. I always get self-conscious about guests, worrying about whether or not they’re comfortable. Can they smell the cat box? Is it too cold? Is it too hot? Are they quietly judging me for not having the dishes washed or the floors swept? Are they comfortable on the chairs? Is the music/TV too loud or annoying? Is Kodos going to steal muffins from their bags, or otherwise pester them? Would they rather be doing something other than what they are? Am I providing enough snacks and beverages (if any)? Vanity, in a sense, is what it boils down to, I reckon.

So, apart from D&D, I may take a break for a while from planning events. I think the art of hanging out has slipped out of my grasp over the years – at least when it’s in my domain. I always feel I have to be responsible and accountable for entertainment on my home ground, and even though I inevitably feel more relaxed and at ease in the comfort of my own home than, say, at a restaurant where there are strangers all around me, I feel that I can’t quite chill, for all those reasons that I list above. Also I am not the best conversationalist, either, which leaves a situation open for lingering gaps in coversation, which in turn leaves me feeling like I should organize some activity to occupy said gaps. Maybe I should take up knitting. Then I could knit up a nice Tudor outfit for Kodos.

I think seeing a picture of a three-headed and six-legged frog had something to do with me dreaming that I fused a couple (man & woman) of bodies together into a sexual position.

Since last I typed:

On Friday I met with two Vancouver Film School students who want to do a documentary on D&D.

On Saturday I drew and was forced to watch Tomb Raider 2 which was fantastically awful.

On Sunday I helped Chrishold & Sarah Fogerty move and held a miniature painting potluck party

I have a plan so cunning you can pin a tail on it and call it a weasel.

Or that is – I had a plan. And it worked. Usually, I get a calendar for Christmas. Often, Edward Gorey related from Sid Swoorch. Last year, a fantastic old sci-fi/horror movie poster calendar from Sheri. This year I didn’t get one (and I’m not pointing fingers here or anything) so I came up with an idea. I got in the mail from Greenpeace (I throw $40 in the mail for them now and again though I haven’t lately) a shitty little 2004 calendar (in which the last of the week is “Satuday”) that I’ve been using to keep track of my schedule, but I have been planning to wait for Oscars to have 75% off their calendars, as they always do some time after January. At worst, they wouldn’t have any good themes and I’d be left with only tigers or WWF wrestler calendars. But I went down there today and they actually had two calendars that I had a hard time choosing betwixt: a Brian Froud goblin calendar and a Barry Moser gothic art calendar. I decided the goblin calendar was a bit more to my liking and took it to the desk, but it was $22 normally. I only had $4.37 in my pocket and I knew it, so when I went up to the counter I said “I’m not sure if I have enough money for this” longingly and tried to gauge the guy’s reaction and I put my pathetic collection of coins onto the counter. Would he be adamant about the price? He rang it up and it came to just over six dollars…let’s say $6.42 and he told me that. I gave him a split second to add…”but this is fine.” He didn’t, so I grabbed the gothic calendar which was $17.95 and I plopped it down with a “how about this one then?” Yeah, I can wear this guy down.

Now, normally, I don’t do this. I don’t haggle. I could never make it in an Indian bazaar because everyone would mark me for a stupid tourist and I would be heard to say “30,000 rupis for this blanket? Sure that’s fine.” I don’t like to haggle, or even the idea of haggling. Vendors, set your price. Include everything in that price. If I don’t like the price, I won’t buy the damn thing, and life will continue. Easy. This is why tipping irks me sometimes as well – especially in the states where you’re expected to tip everyone. I still tip but I refuse to waste my time worrying about how much is the “correct” amount etcetera etcetera. Anyway, people should just figure out how much they need to sell a product to cover their costs and make a decent living and that should be the set price for everyone. Not that I’m a fascist or anything.

And of course there are always exceptions. Today I reason that I only have $4.37 on me and if I can get a calendar then great, and if not then I may or may not come back later. I mean, they got tons of calendars here and it’s March, I figure I’m doing them a favour by taking one off their hands.. He rings up the gothic calendar and it’s just over five bucks. Again I make a sighing noise as if I’m thinking what to do, when in reality I’m just waiting for him to give me a deal. It pans out. He says “I think this will do. I’ll ring it up as $4.11 and it will come to $4.27 total.”
“Great!” I say.
So he takes the coins I’ve laid out but pushes back the last dime towards me in a very magnanimous gesture. Hey I could buy two marshmallow banana candies with that, but that’s not right. I slide the dime right back at him with my finger with my thanks.

Then a meteor hit the shop and killed us both.

Lower….lower….lower…TOO LOW!!!

Lower….lower….lower…TOO LOW!!!

I haven’t written about my weekend yet. That time has come.

On Friday Amberjane came in all the way from Chilliwack to watch The Fog of War with me at Tinseltown. It traumatized her. It’s a very hard-hitting documentary and I learned lots and lots of things, so that’s good. I would like to see it again. I was discussing with Liam’s mom Isla about school and how I didn’t fulfill my potential in high school or college (I only took 2 years and change of college) but told her I counter that shortcoming by a) trying to be autodidactic (through reading and watching documentaries on my own time) and hanging out with lots of really smart people so that I can absorb their genius. Indeed I do all those things – but it’s pretty spurious to say that it “makes up” for not taking years of university. Still, if I put my mind to it I bet I could find someone to teach me all the things I need to know to improve my art skills (let’s be realistic – what else would I take in university?) – it’s just a matter of motivation.

But I’m all with the digressin’ here. On our way out from the theater we bumped into Mike Jackson who was getting in line to see some undisclosed movie. He kindly invited me to an Oscars-watching party to which I said “maybe.” Amber drove me back for my big Chilliwack weekend. At Amber’s I met her new roommate. I recognized her from the old party scene (Chilliwack’s where I spent my formative years, you know). She came into the kitchen and immediately said “Hello Toren! How have you been?” and the conversation went on from there – answering questions and carefully asking others. Trying desperately to keep the conversation from going in a direction that would reveal my shameful secret – that the only thing I remember about her is her face. Later I found out from Amber that her name is Krista.

Next morning I walked down to the Dairy Queen to meet with Mr. Woods – we drove out to the Value Village where I picked up a red sweater that I’ve been wearing constantly since then. We bumped into Jordan, who was looking for pineapple-shaped gelatin moulds for some art project of Tara’s. Then, after a brief game of Magic: The Gathering with Chris, I went to Garett’s for band practice but since Bob was at Science World with his kids it was more of a band meeting. We might play at the Purple Onion on May the 20th. We are working on new songs!

Band meeting over, Chris and I made up his new character for D&D – a halfling rogue, interspersed with some Curb Your Enthusiasm and some classic video games (Pac-Man, Dig Dug, Galaxian) made all the more challenging when a chihuahua is licking your eyes while you play!

Sunday we drove back to Vancouver and made a quick trip to Opus. We made our requisite share of cracks in front of the clerk as we paid for our spoils side by side. I got some new pens and I also did something idiotic – I meant to buy mechanical pencils in .03 and .09 size but for some reason my brain told me that what I needed was the lead itself, the overabundance of which was the whole reason I was searching for the pencils. So now I’ve got even more useless mechanical pencil lead. Then we came back to my place and played D&D. I got to try out my new character Exeter the halfling monk-sorcerer and it was lots of fun, but it took eight hours. We were supposed to start playing at 4pm but we kind of jerked around (mostly waiting for people to level up or write up their stats for their animal companions) for an hour, and then we played until shortly after midnight with no real break. Is it possible to play too much D&D?

Next morning I got up to meet Yvonne to see Mystic River at Tinseltown. This is the first time I’ve seen Yvonne since January, and it was great. For those who are keeping score of my life, you’ll know how momentous this is. I missed her! After the film we walked around downtown to get some coffee and chatted about things. Due to drama in her current household, she and her roommates are looking for a 3-bedroom so if you come across anything, let me or her know. Then I had to leave her for an audition. Moments after we had our goodbye hugs (yes plural) I bumped into Nathan, and we chatted for a few minutes on the noisy corner of Cambie & Broadway. He doesn’t have the internet which means–like all my friends who don’t check email–they don’t hear from me very often, if at all. So, more catching up.

The audition was postponed because the director and producer were held up at the border, so I was rescheduled for Tuesday. I went home and Marlo came over for dinner. She brought lentil soup and I supplied the carrots, grapes, and bread. She had been trying to get ahold of me to tell me her recent dating stories, so I got to hear them at last. The best part was when James thought that Marlo and I had a thing so when I had told James that Marlo came to me about his “interest” in her, he thought I would be mad or jealous or something. Even though Marlo was supposed to go to Tai Chi Monday night, she ended up staying and reading Stewie’s collection of “Alias” comics (not affiliated with the tv show) and watching cartoons and the first half of the Spider-Man movie while I worked (drew a beetle-monster). She was constantly insinuating that she would rather spend the evening here than going to tai chi but I have some sort of mental block towards insinuation. Insinuation just doesn’t register with me. You have to say it. You can imagine how this mental block impedes the first tenuous steps towards a romantic relationship: “Why are you looking at me like that? Duh….”

So yesterday was the audition, for reals. I had time for tennis in the early afternoon with James and that was funtastic. Then I walked to the studio where they were holding the auditions. This is how it works: You go into the building and you follow the signs on the wall telling you what room your audition is in. In the room are a bunch of other actors sitting on a bench. The liaison (secretary, whatever) has you fill out a form and if you’re clever enough to bring one, you offer your resume and headshot to go with it. Then you sit and wait until you’re called. In this particular case, the commercial involved a silent on-screen actor, and the voiceover guy (me) both auditioning at the same time. It was unexpected and a little challenging. They called me and this guy (I think his name was James) into the room where there is the guy behind the camera, the guy who is directing us, and about four other people sitting behind them on a couch, watching. There was a table of food as well – but not for us! This commercial involved a wheelbarrow and a caulking gun, but they used a chair for a wheelbarrow prop. They had us stand side by side to get photographs of us both. Then they had me walk off of shot to deliver the voiceover while James did his acting. One take, and James was done. Then they asked me to come on camera to deliver the lines once again, doing different voices, inflections, etc and even doing some improv. I think I did okay, some of them chuckled during my performance. As is to be expected I thought of something hilarious to say right after I left. No call back yet so I guess we’ll see. Actually, technically that audition was the callbacks. I don’t know how unusual it is for your agent to send you to the callback rather than the initial audition.

I got home and had to get ready for a mentoring session with Liam. Isla picked me up and drove me to Liam’s school where we picked him up and then drove to their apartment where we immediately got to work. We started working on armor and weapons for his game, tidied up the hit location chart, revised some of the special abilities and spells, and Isla fed us a fantastic dinner of almond chicken and stir fry. We worked for about 4 hours which is longer than usual, and I started to get a bit of a headache, so when I got home instead of working I lay down and read D&D books in preparation for today’s girly game.

Phew!