James didn’t call me back about tennis so he’s on the blacklist. Marlo’s on the blacklist too because I’m 93% sure she’s the reason I didn’t get a callback. Ed’s on the whitelist because he said he’d play tennis with me on Thursday. Ang was on the blacklist because she had to cancel donuts & movies on Sunday but then she got on the whitelist listening to me whine, so now she’s on the greylist. I guess actually Ang’s mom is the one who should be on the blacklist and not Ang because she’s the reason…oh I’m too tired to figure out the best way to structure this confusing sentence.

The Lost Art of Hanging Out

I was whining to Ang about social burnout. Or rather – host burnout. After the cartoon party and the miniature painting potluck and roleplaying sessions twice a week I need a bit of a break. I always get self-conscious about guests, worrying about whether or not they’re comfortable. Can they smell the cat box? Is it too cold? Is it too hot? Are they quietly judging me for not having the dishes washed or the floors swept? Are they comfortable on the chairs? Is the music/TV too loud or annoying? Is Kodos going to steal muffins from their bags, or otherwise pester them? Would they rather be doing something other than what they are? Am I providing enough snacks and beverages (if any)? Vanity, in a sense, is what it boils down to, I reckon.

So, apart from D&D, I may take a break for a while from planning events. I think the art of hanging out has slipped out of my grasp over the years – at least when it’s in my domain. I always feel I have to be responsible and accountable for entertainment on my home ground, and even though I inevitably feel more relaxed and at ease in the comfort of my own home than, say, at a restaurant where there are strangers all around me, I feel that I can’t quite chill, for all those reasons that I list above. Also I am not the best conversationalist, either, which leaves a situation open for lingering gaps in coversation, which in turn leaves me feeling like I should organize some activity to occupy said gaps. Maybe I should take up knitting. Then I could knit up a nice Tudor outfit for Kodos.