My new project is to copy and paste old blog entries to LiveJournal. I’m not sure why. Comment gluttony? Not all old entries, just ones that are still relevant. Or…whatever I feel like, really.
The breakup really made my world go topsy turvy. Not just emotionally, but practically. For the first time in years I really had long-term plans that seemed natural. We were going to move in together, we were going to go to China. I was excited about that stuff. I looked forward to it. During the past 2 weeks I’d been focusing my grief on the here and now, but once in a while something would come up to slap me in the face with a “yeah…that thing you took for granted? You aren’t going to be doing that anymore. What now, smart guy?” I feel stuck. I feel back where I started. I don’t like the dating process. In fact I will go further than that and say that I HATE the dating process. I guess most people do. I don’t want to think about it, but at times, when I am lonely, I feel it looming. Like at some point I am going to find myself back on Lavalife, and I dread it. I was extremely gratified to have been able to leave that behind me.
But I have lots more time before I have to worry about that. I am not over Marlo yet. I find myself in the awkward position of wanting to spend more time with her, to support one another and to be a friend…but at the same time wanting to get over her. It’s just so weird to not come and go as I please, to have to ask before I come over, to not call her at work every day to see what she wants to do for dinner.