Post-Apocalyptic Movie Review: Finch

Robot maker Tom Hanks has survived a land-waste-laying solar flare and the ensuing societal collapse. He’s old and sick but he has a dog that needs to be cared for, so he builds a robot and they take a road trip to escape a superstorm.

More of the same old same old, Tom Hanks does Tom Hanks which is not a complaint, but this time with friendly robots AND a dog! A bit heavy-handed in places but also not a typical Hollywood ending. Not very cerebral, and not very exciting either despite a few interesting moments. Pretty PG affair overall with some added coughing up blood. Kind of needed a bad guy.

Tropes: robot learns to be human; hope epitomized in tiny animal; booby-trapped snack

Toren’s rating: 6.8/10

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Omega Doom (1996) Post Apocalyptic Movie Review

After a robot war AND nuclear apocalypse, only various models of robots are left, and they are very concerned about a rumored return of humans who plan to take back the world with a rumored stockpile of guns. Rutger Hauer, a mysterious stranger introduced as the eponymous character in the opening credits, rolls into town with a mission. The mission is revealed at the end but, like the rest of this movie, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

The robots in the town consist of a gang of ‘droids’ – who look like people but make mechanical servo noises when they walk or turn their heads – and a gang of ‘roms’ who look like humans, specifically rejects from the Matrix (three years before the Matrix, mind you). And also a bartender and bodiless head, who all look like humans. Basically everyone’s a replicant but with circuitry and machinery under their skin. They breathe, drink, and presumably poop.

Of course Omega Doom pits the factions against one another and wins a series of energy knife/boomerang duels. One of them wounds a robot so badly we can see the chromagreen fabric that never ended up having special effects added. Overall, pretty dreadful writing, pacing, and the actings not so hot either.

Tropes: Old West style duels but with throwing knives not guns; pitting gangs against eachother; fisheye lens used for wide shots; flashbacks; nuclear winter; literature quote before the action starts

Toren’s rating: 4/10

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No Blade of Grass (1970) Post Apocalyptic Movie Review

Pollution somehow causes a virus that kills grains and so the world begins to starve.
Some countries, including Britain, may or may not plan to exterminate a large portion of their population with nerve gas so that the whole country doesn’t starve to death. As society breaks down around them, a family led by an ex-military with an eyepatch and various tagalongs escape the city and head for a relative’s farm where I guess for some reason they aren’t worried about the grass blight.

More an apocalyptic than post-apocalyptic movie, but civilization goes to pot relatively quickly and there’s a biker gang in Nazi Viking accoutrements so I’ll give it a pass.

The conceit of over-saturated, fragmented flash-forwards doesn’t much help this heavy-handed narrative, and the whole film looks very cheap, but, refreshingly, the children don’t do anything too stupid and are mostly in the background.

Tropes: trigger-happy frenemy; off-screen cannibalism; soldiers mutiny; unlimited ammo; pregnant lady gives birth; coughing gives away hiding spot; gang rape; guy with no depth perception is still a good shot

Toren’s rating: 5.75/10

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No Blade of Grass (1970) — Contains Moderate Peril

Hardware (1990) Post-Apocalyptic Movie Review

A military self-repairing robot is scavenged from the wasteland and a man (Mo) who fears commitment brings it to his non-girlfriend (Jill) where it comes to life and chases her around the apartment.

This world has the trappings of a post-apocalyptic film (radiation, crappy outfits, cyborg hand) but there is a government and the woman’s apartment building has all the amenities (electricity, a security system, hot water that is more reliable than in my pre-apocalyptic building). A merchant in the first act finds out the robot’s weakness and then Mo learns it (it’s water) but in the climax of the film Jill learns it rather coincidentally. At some point in the film the robot skull’s US flag paint job goes away.

I finally finished watching this after years of not making it through the first half – quitting around the time the slovenly peeping tom neighbor invades the woman’s apartment. The dialogue is trite, and with very few exceptions, the actions of all the characters have zero bearing on how the story plays out which makes for very monotonous fare, despite the pedestrian attempts at avante garde cinematography and special effects.

Tropes: perverted neighbor; little person is a result of radiation; radio DJ exposition; shower lovin’; thermal vision sex scene; phone is destroyed to help the plot along

Toren’s rating: 4.2/10

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Love And Monsters (2020) Post-Apocalyptic Movie Review

After an attempt to thwart an asteroid impact backfires, rocket chemicals spray the land turning everyday creatures into giant monsters. Joel is separated from his ladyfriend and spends 7 years in a bunker before he decides to take the 7 day journey in monster territory to reunite. En route he overcomes his paralyzing fear and his terrible aim, meets some new friends and bonds with a dog.

The monsters and settings were well-designed and the world was fun to inhabit. I liked that the ending wasn’t schmaltzy. It wasn’t a ‘rescue the damsel’ situation but neither did it turn 180 with the ‘men are incompetent’ trope. Meanwhile, was expecting some closure on the dog’s red dress.

Tropes: passing on a treasured keepsake; radio stops working at dramatically convenient moments; dropping the grenade;

Toren’s rating: 7/10

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Waterworld (1995) Post-Apocalyptic Movie Review

Kevin Costner is an ‘icthyo sapiens’ with webbed toes and gills who wanders an endless ocean trying to get by. He gets caught up in a battle between jet ski marauders known as Smokers and a floating settlement that harbours a child with a tattoo that may be a map to the mythical “Dryland.” Of course he escapes with the help of the child and her surrogate mom. At first he’s a complete dick to them both but through the trials and tribulations of eluding the Smokers and their merciless leader Dennis Hopper they become a dysfunctional family.

This film has reprehensible hair as only Hollywood (and Italian cinema) could hope to achieve, sketchy makeup (nobody’s buying that gouged eye socket), 2-dimensional dialogue, and hokey action that made me laugh out loud, but it does have rich worldbuilding in the form of consistent wardrobe and amazing set pieces.

Tropes: stoic lone wolf of few words; eccentric inventor; villain has eye patch; heroine offers her body as payment; each explosion bigger than the last

Toren’s rating: 4/10

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On the Beach (1959) Post-Apocalyptic Movie Review

Barely squeaking by as a post-apocalyptic movie, as it chronicles the tail end of the apocalypse. A war has created a lethal cloud of radiation that has done in the rest of the world, and will reach our heroes in Australia in about 4 months. I think only one of the actors is Australian, and it’s not Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, Fred Astaire or Anthony Perkins, our main cast. While our hero Commander Towers comes to terms with his family’s death, he gets involved with another woman and then is sent on a mission to investigate a strange signal from America and determine whether or not the cloud is dissipating. Strangely, the streets are devoid of the dead OR their cars. Meanwhile, the government is handing out suicide pills to all citizens, and Anthony Perkins doesn’t know how to handle her wife and new babymama, who is in denial of the whole situation.

Meanwhile, the Waltzing Matilda musical motif is overused to the point of distraction.

A bit long but very well done.

Tropes: unwanted military promotion; weak women

Toren’s Rating: 7.8/10

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Battletruck AKA Warlords of the 21st Century (1982) Post-Apocalyptic Movie Review

Merciless ex-military warlord and his goons drive a giant truck around the wasteland, terrorizing wanderers and settlers alike. The warlord’s daughter, having run away from her evil dad, hooks up with a lone wolf on a sweet motorcycle and they defend a settlement from the BATTLETRUCK.

Better than I expected, this was actually made at the same time as Road Warrior so not sure if it’s fair to say that it’s a ripoff. Though it takes place “in the near future” technology is more or less the same with the exception of some fancy grenades and the advanced console of the BATTLETRUCK. The lead actress is uncharismatic and the lone wolf only slightly better. There’s no real chemistry between anyone in the film but it’s nice to see pre-Cheers John Ratzenberger.

Tropes: damsel has sex with her rescuer; idiot toady of villain; traitor in the good guy’s camp; lone wolf hero rides into the distance because he’s got to be free, lady; vehicles explode for mysterious reasons

Toren’s Rating: 4.75/10

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Stryker (1983) Post-Apocalyptic Movie Review

In a water-scarce post apocalyptic wasteland, a young woman who holds the secret location of an endless spring, and the colony that guards it, breaks out to share it with the world. The evil forces of the warlord Kardis capture her and try to torture (and rape) the secrets out of her, until she’s rescued by a stoic, uncharismatic manly man of few words, Stryker, and his sidekick Bandit. Eventually she and amazon-inspired, pants-eschewing battle maidens lead Stryker and his brother’s clan back to the spring, where a not-so-epic showdown between Kardis and Stryker inevitably occurs.

Cirio H. Santiago relies on his usual post-apoc playbook once again, complete with gangs of sand-dwelling dwarves, a beer-bellied bodyguard goliath and unremarkable desert roads and sand dunes.

The only stand out here is a rare tactical use in film of smoke grenades.

Tropes: flashbacks; villain with hook hand; semi truck full of water; damsel falls for her rescuer; hero dragged behind car.

Toren’s rating: 2.5/10

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Post-Apocalyptic Miniature Crafting Stuff

for Ruin Nation: Survivors in the Wasteland