Orange you jealous of my new warmups?

I like everyone at the Sunshine Market except for one lady. She’s the lady who’s always trying to sell everyone lottery tickets and yadda yadda, although I think she gave up trying to sell them on me. Anyway, I bought a large bag of mandarin oranges the other day and she said “why don’t you just buy them in the box”

I said “I like to hand pick them all” instead of what I was thinking, why don’t YOU just buy them in the box?”

She said “are you worried you might get a couple of bad ones in a box?”

“Yes” I replied curtly.

“If you get any bad ones you can bring them back and we’ll exchange them.” she offered.

“That’s nice, but shut up.” I didn’t say.*

“Also, they’re cheaper in the box.” This last statement I didn’t believe, so I checked the prices of the mandarin boxes behind me. The cheapest one was $5.99. I paid about $5.40 for my bag of hand-picked beauties. I took my bag of oranges home and found an empty mandarin box that Stewie had bought several weeks ago. I dumped the oranges into the box – my $5.40 worth of oranges wouldn’t all fit in the $5.99 box – so next time I’m at the Sunshine I can rub that in Mrs. Lottery Ticket’s face at the same time I bring up the fact that they’re out Tootsie rolls still.

When Stewie observed my experiment he told me I can never make fun of him when he does his own kitchen experiments. But really I never make fun of him in the traditional sense – I just look at him like he’s from Io.

*Besides – why would I take the risk of having to haul back some bad oranges to the store when I could just make sure my produce is within acceptable perameters when I buy them? I ask you.

I was planning on working on Yvonne’s belated xmas gift tonight, but instead she called me up practically begging me to come and play Settlers of Catan with her and Ursula. I said I would play Catan if we could also play my game, Conquest Beyond, and there was agreement. I also played a game called Abalone which was pretty good. I barely won that. This also seemed (impromptu-ly) to be the night where I broke my tea-totalling ways. I got a little drunk, just enough to feel it, and just enough to blurt out what I was making Y for xmas. I learned one thing: Pepsi & rum is disgusting. For anyone who doesn’t know, I haven’t been drunk since about 1991. I had a couple tiny tiny sips of a mixed drink in December of 2002 and I have been known to eat chocolates with liquour in them, but otherwise I have not touched a drop of alcohol in about 13 years. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but I probably won’t do it again for a while. I think it would probably only “feel right” in the company of close friends, and in a small group, at that. I would want to be already comfortable before I started drinking. I guess that’s normal, isn’t it? To have a drinking buddy or buddies? I would want to keep pace with who I was with – and I found myself trying to drink (or be drunk) no more or less than Yvonne. Ursula was also drunk to some extent but I wouldn’t had known had she not said so (having met her only 2 nights ago). Anyway, it was fun, and I hope I haven’t disappointed the world by breaking my passive vow of sobriety.

On the other hand, I don’t have to go through the rigamarole of explaining to people why I don’t drink anymore. Because I do! Can I say that? Can I say that I drink now? Or do I say that I am a non-drinker who recently had a few drinks? (Well, I didn’t finish my third one, but I digress.) How often and how much do I have to drink to be able to say that I am not a drinker? How long do I have to go without meat to be a vegetarian? How long do I have to go without smoking to say I’m a non-smoker?

Keep your nights open from January 30 – February 1st because we are going to see The Animation Show at The Ridge. Brought to us by Don Hertzfeldt and Mike Judge. Oh my, yes.

Among the hundred of known extrasolar planets, about 15% are closer than 0.1 astronomical units (AU) [the distance from Earth to the sun] from their parent stars. But there are extremely few detections of planets orbiting in less than 3 days. At this limit the planet HD209458b has been found to have an extended upper atmosphere of escaping hydrogen. This suggests that the so-called hot Jupiters which are close to their parent stars could evaporate. Astronomers estimate the evaporation rate of hydrogen from extrasolar planets in the star vicinity. With high exospheric temperatures, and owing to the tidal forces, planets evaporate through a geometrical blow-off. This may explain the absence of Jupiter mass planets below a critical distance from the stars. Below this critical distance, they infer the existence of a new class of planets made of the residual central core of former hot Jupiters, which they propose to call the “Chthonian” planets. Awesome. [Thanks to Wayne for the info]

Um er ah…

Happy gnu year! It’s 2004. Two Thousand and Four years Anno Domini. Year of our Lord. Not After Death. I wish it was After Death though. Then there would be like a 30 year period between BC and AD that was essentially “null time”. Maybe it would be called DJ – “During Jesus”.

The best part of 2004 (so far) was walking to the bus stop with Yvonne and Rebecca. Not to say that I didn’t have fun at Ursula’s game party – but (a) the conversation wasn’t as good and (b) I didn’t find a ten dollar bill on the ground when I was inside. And also (c) walking in the snow with my boots is fun. And also also (d) the smaller the group, the more comfortable I am. Did anybody see that absolutely terrifying New Years Countdown on FOX that was basically a T&A-rife ad for “American Wedding?” Tasteless.

At the party we played Cranium, Settlers of Catan and Hoopla. I don’t recommend Hoopla, but Cranium was pretty fun. I’m sure everyone who is reading this has played Settlers a million times (I know Mr. Chris has Starfarers of Catan) but it was my first time playing it last night. I am not terribly fond of strategy games. I never really liked Risk or any of those “building an empire” video games. Probably because I’m not very good at them. And I’m impatient. Yeah, Cranium was definitely the most fun game of the night.

Being in group activities like that is interesting because I am fascinated (sometimes) with human interaction (Other times I am dreadfully bored with it): gauging personalities as they come to the fore under different situations; watching how different people react when they’re winning or losing the game; noticing how some people (unconsciously) tuned other people out. I noticed a couple times when Rebecca said something relevant to her team’s game but the only person who seemed to notice was me, and I was on the opposing team. I empathized – that happens to me a lot depending on the group I’m with. Basically I guess I most observed how difficult it is for people to pay attention to one another (myself included of course) but I will be the first one to admit that it is hard to do in a room with more than three people. Apart from all the observing, I had a good time and I found all the new people I met to be genuinely nice and friendly and decent.

Playing these competitive games made me realize how much I like roleplaying games because everybody is working together rather than against one another. But there are times when you want to lay the smackdown on your friends just to show them how awesome you are. Try to take my Scrabble away and I will poke my finger in the general area of your eyes.

The True Meaning of Christmas

I love the snow. It makes me smile.

I forgot to mention that yesterday I received notice from our dorky (I almost didn’t put in an adjective but then I thought – pff, he’s never going to read this) building manager that all of the storage lockers in the building were broken into. Nothing was stolen from ours, and apparently the only victim of the burglery was the dork. Sucks for him. We didn’t really have anything of value in there except for two fans and my bike, which I haven’t used in at least 3 years. I think the chain needs tightening but I never got around to taking it into a shop. I’d like to ride my bike some times but it can be scary in the big city. Also people look goofy on bikes. There, I said it. That never stopped me when I used it to get to work, but still…people look goofy on bikes.

I got some very nice mail today. One package was a felt Cthulhu doll from Tim Emrick (I posted pics on this blog of them a little while ago). Thanks Tim, I really appreciate it and I will continue to do so! It was very kind of you to send that. The other thing was the DVD of Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath – the animated adaptation of Lovecraft’s short novel in which I provided the voice for the main character. I avoided putting it in all day because I was cringing at the idea of listening to myself voice act badly, but when I finally put it in I was not too terribly embarrassed. Slightly embarrassed, but not as bad as I thought it would be. Apart from that, it’s pretty neat. The animation style & direction surprised me pleasantly, and the music is good but it’s a bit too loud (sometimes it’s hard to hear the voices). Also I think it could stand to have more quiet, music-less scenes. But that’s a minor issue. It’s a very strong effort and I am pleased that I was given the lead role.

Yesterday I printed out the first half of my diaries for the year 2003 (not to be confused with this blog, although many entries from the blog are in the diaries). Sixty-four pages in an 8 point font and that’s only up to July. Come January I am probably going to send out an email to everyone about my experiences in 2003. The first time I did that was last year, as many of you know. It’s very hokum (I was going to say jejune but I don’t know what that means) and lame, I know – but that’s what this time of year is all about. I picture Cinnamon J. Scudworth at his desk writing “dear family and friends, is it possible a year has passed since my last impersonal, over-informative, photocopied holiday update?” to inspire me. So, get your spam filters ready for that one. This year’s will probably be a lot shorter than last year’s though, so be thankful.

And now that it’s over, I present The True Meaning of Christmas (mostly stolen from another website, but pasted & edited here for your convenience).

In Rome, Saturnalia—a holiday in honor of Saturn, god of agriculture—was celebrated. Beginning in the week leading up to the winter solstice and continuing for a full month, Saturnalia was a hedonistic time, when food and drink were plentiful and the normal social order was turned upside down. For a month, slaves would become masters. Peasants were in command of the city. Business and schools were closed so that everyone could join in the fun. In addition, members of the upper classes often celebrated the birthday of Mithra, god of the sun, on December 25. For some Romans, Mithra’s birthday was the most sacred day of the year. In the early years of Christianity, Easter was the main holiday; the birth of Jesus was not celebrated. In the fourth century, church officials decided to institute the birth of Jesus as a holiday. Unfortunately, the Bible does not mention date for his birth. Pope Julius I chose December 25 in an effort to adopt and absorb the traditions of the pagan Saturnalia festival. Holding Christmas at the same time as traditional winter solstice festivals increased the chances that Christmas would be popularly embraced. On Christmas, believers attended church, then celebrated raucously in a drunken, carnival-like atmosphere similar to today’s Mardi Gras. Each year, a beggar or student would be crowned the “lord of misrule” and eager celebrants played the part of his subjects. The poor would go to the houses of the rich and demand their best food and drink. If owners failed to comply, their visitors would most likely terrorize them with mischief. Christmas became the time of year when the upper classes could repay their real or imagined “debt” to society by entertaining less fortunate citizens.

So, next year – more terrorizing with mischief, I think.

I Die In My Dreams

Last night I went out to see p:ano at the Sugar Refinery. I have never had such good luck with the buses (they were pulling up just as I got to the stops at both stops) but it was all for nought as as I waited in line to get in, me and about a half dozen others were turned away. Sold out. Yvonne, Rebecca & Terrence (sp?) arrived shortly thereafter so we went to Blenz to formulate a plan, which consisted of watching Clone High episodes until about 1am.

I dreamt that I died this morning. It involved some secret lab and some forgotten deadly experiment inside a compound (or maybe even a mall) somewhere that a bunch of people and I were exploring late at night. Somehow these deadly human experiments were let loose and they killed me with some weird powers.

Toren’s Video Lending Service

Hey, frenemies in Vancouver – tonight after watching a bunch of Clone High I decided to write down all (or most) of the movies I have on video and DVD. The list is below. Do you have anything that I don’t have? Would you like to do a lending trade? Let me know!

ON VHS:
Akira
Alien
Aliens
Amelie
American Beauty
Apocalypse Now
The Big Kahuna
Blood Simple
Box of Moonlight
Brazil
Bourne Identity
Bottle Rocket
A Bug’s Life
Bridge over the River Kawai
Big Trouble in Little China
Castle of Cagliostro
A Chinese Ghost Story
Clockwork Orange
Comedian
City of Lost Children
Crumb
Conan the Barbarian
Dark Crystal
Day of the Triffids
Dead Poet’s Society
Die Hard
Donnie Darko
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Drunken Master 2
Dress to Kill (Eddie Izzard)
Evil Dead 2
The Exorcist
Fight Club
Forbidden Planet
Fubar
Final Fantasy
Ginger Snaps
Ghostbusters
Godfather
Green Mile
Ghostbusters 2
Ghostworld
Grosse Point Blank
Grave of Fireflies
Happiness
How to Get ahead in Advertising
Heavy Metal
The Hobbit
Hudsucker Proxy
High Fidelity
Joe Gould’s Secret
Impostors
I Married a Strange Person
Iron Giant
Kiki’s Delivery Service (Miyazaki)
La Femme Nikita
Life is Beautiful
Laputa: Castle in the Sky (Miyazaki)
Last Night
Life of Brian
LA Confidential
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Light Years
Magnolia
Man who Wasn’t There
Matrix
A Mighty Wind
Meet the Feebles
Monsters Inc
The Majestic
Men in Black
Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie (This Island Earth)
Other MST3Ks
Naked Lunch
Nausicaa in the Valley of the Wind
Porco Rosso (Crimson Pig – Miyazaki)
Peewee’s Big Adventure
Princess Mononoke
Pulp Fiction
Resurrected
Rushmore
The Ring
Ringu
Safe Men
Sixth Sense
So I Married an Ax Murderer
Saving Private Ryan
South Park
Schizopolis
Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger
The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad
Golden Voyage of Sinbad
Spider-Man
Sexy Beast
Spirited Away
Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan
Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home
Star Wars: A New Hope
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
The Thing
Time Bandits
Twin Town
Toy Story
Trees Lounge
Tron
True Romance
Unbreakable
Vidocq
The Usual Suspects
Waiting for Guffman
Witness for the Prosecution
Withnail and I
X-Men
Secret of Nimh
Yellow Submarine
You can Count on Me
Miller’s Crossing
Top Secret
Time Masters
Lifeforce
Terminator
Panic Room
Powerpuff Girls: The Movie
From Beyond
G.I.Joe The Movie
Fantastic Planet
Transformers the Movie
Ninja Scroll
Reanimator
Citizen Cane
Mars Attacks
The Negotiator
The Shipping News
Hearts in Atlantis
Blow
Finding Forrester
Das Boot
Maltese Falcon
Uzumaki (Spirals)
Tetsuo the Iron Man
The Insider
Donnie Brasco
Mad Max
Dracula

ON DVD:
Animatrix
Army of Darkness
Barton Fink
Best in Show
The Big Lebowski
Blade Runner
Laputa: Castle in the Sky (Miyazaki)
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Dagon
Fargo
Gladiator
Galaxy Quest
Justice League
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Miller’s Crossing
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
O Brother Where Art Thou?
Princess Bride
Royal Tenenbaums
School House Rock
Shawshank Redemption
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
A Beautiful Mind

It snowed for most of the day yesterday but now it’s all a-sunning and the snow, she’s practically gone. I had a dream this morning that I was at Chris & Nicole’s (Green Ronin Publishing) playing some board game that I didn’t understand. At the end of it, nobody was quite sure who won. Is this a metaphor for my life?

Another not-so-random thought:
I think The Meta-Four would be a cool name for a band, or a superhero group.

All of my conversational dialogue writing for the ESL books is now done (at least for the book they’re working on at the moment). I have badgered many of you about certain subjects over the past couple months. I appreciate all the help. Here are two samples of the final results.

JUNIOR: Dad, they have an awesome webcam at London Drugs, will you get it for me?
DAD: How about you buy it yourself?
JUNIOR: Duh, ’cause I don’t have any money!
DAD: You should start saving up your allowance in case your mother and I get hit by a meteor.
JUNIOR: If a meteor kills you I’ll inherit the house.
DAD: You’re free to take the house as long as you don’t mind the meteor holes. What have you been spending all your allowance on?
JUNIOR: Stuff.
DAD: Crack cocaine?
JUNIOR: Come on Dad, be serious.
DAD: What do you want a webcam for? Nevermind, I don’t want to know. I’ll start buying you webcams as soon as you learn how to fix my car.
JUNIOR: How about a raise, then?
DAD: Is it your birthday already and nobody told me?
JUNIOR: No but I deserve a raise. Tommy Fielding gets twice as much I do.
DAD: You better start buttering him up since you’re more likely to get the cash from him than from me. You know when I was a boy I didn’t get any allowance at all.
JUNIOR: Yeah and you had to walk two hundred miles to school in the snow, and you ate newspapers for breakfast. I know. Welcome to the 21st century, Dad.
DAD: You know you’re awfully snippy for a kid who’s begging for money.
JUNIOR: Come on….I’ve been doing all my chores, and my grades are up. Won’t you at least loan me the money?
DAD: Oh, I guess so. I’ll give you a loan even though you don’t deserve it. You can pay it back with your allowance.
JUNIOR: Thanks, Dad!
DAD: Wait a minute, how much is this webcam?
JUNIOR: $149.99
DAD: Sweet merciful Christmas!!!

LUCAS: Augh! I’m so mad at the public library.
ANGELA: You can’t be mad at a public institution.
LUCAS: I can and I will!
ANGELA: Why mad?
LUCAS: They wouldn’t let me check out any books because I had borrowed some book on samurai in 1997 and brought it back late.
ANGELA: How late?
LUCAS: Twenty-three dollars in overdue fines late, that’s how late.
ANGELA: Then maybe it’s time to pay the $23?
LUCAS: Maybe it’s time to burn the damn thing to the ground.
ANGELA: You could go to another library.
LUCAS: They’re all connected, you know? They’re all branches of the same big library. It’s like the cola wars – both Pepsi and Coke are owned by the same company.
ANGELA: I don’t know if that’s true. In any case, there are a billion libraries.
LUCAS: A billion? A billion? Your unabashed hyperbole only makes me angrier! I thought that there was a statute of limitations on late fees. Don’t they go away after five years?
ANGELA: Nope, they are like hepatitis C – it stays with you forever.
LUCAS: Except you can’t pay $23 to get rid of hep C therefore you’re metaphor sucks.
ANGELA: Be that as it may, the libraries in the suburbs are not affiliated with the city library. You just need to leave the city.
LUCAS: Hmmm, I could avoid the late fines however that would mean taking the transit out to the ‘burbs. I don’t know which is worse.
ANGELA: Yeah life is tough. Still, you only have yourself to blame for not returning your samurai book on time. Perhaps some ritual suicide is in order?
LUCAS: Very funny.