Shawn & Me

I just received a phonecall from Shawn at Shaw. Maybe Sean at Shaw, I don’t know. Anyway there were a lot of Sha- sounds. I was at home (as I always am when I take calls) and it was 5ish and I couldn’t fathom who might be calling, but I picked up just in case it was George W Bush calling to apologize (I wouldn’t accept). The conversation went like this:

Me: Hello

A moment of silence. This is a dead giveaway for a telemarketer and normally if someone doesn’t say hello straightaway I’ll just hang up the phone while I imagine the other person is rushing to push the button that will connect them to me. But, in a split second, I thought to myself I will hang up, just as soon as I hear the other voice. They’ll think I couldn’t hear them because the earpiece was already on its way to the phone carriage. The fact that in this day and age probably only 10% of the western world still have phones with carriages didn’t factor in to my scheme.

Young, hip sounding guy: Hi this is Shon from Shaw. Is this Toren?

The guy sounded like a decent guy so I didn’t hang up. I thought I’d give him a chance and see where this went.

Me: It sure is.

Sh’awn: How are you doing today?

Me: Pretty good (this was a lie but it’s one of those lies I don’t feel bad about because Seawn is not really interested in how I am doing and telling him the truth would just make him uncomfortable.)

Shjonne: You use Shaw for your internet and cable needs, is that right?

Me: Yes, that’s right.

Shean: Have you heard about our new phone promotion?

Me: Uh… (trying to recall my last telemarketer experience and faltering on the details) I don’t think that I have.

Shawwn: Do you spend more than $50 on long distance a month?

Me: Oh god no.

Shyawn: Your entire phone package is less than $50?

Me: Yes. It’s in the low forties. Around $42 I think.

Sheaghn: So you don’t make any overseas calls?

Me: Never.

SHAWN!: Okay, well thank you for your time, you have an awesome day.

Me: You too.

And that was the best telemarketing experience I ever had, except for the ones where I pretended I was someone else, and the one where I was talking to the lady for several minutes and before she could clinch the deal she asked if I was over 18 and I told her quite truthfully that I was not and she didn’t believe me and got mad at me for wasting her time. Oh I’ll never forget that one.

One Reply to “Shawn & Me”

  1. I like doing this:
    “Hello is Mrs. Short there?”

    “There’s a MS Short here… I’m not married.”

    “Oh, right, sorry…. (about to start rant)”

    “Do you know my first name?”


    “My first name… do you know it?”

    “I’m sorry, I only know that it starts with an A”

    “Well, I’ll give you three guesses….”

    Awkward pause… uncertain noises…. and then usually, they start guessing.

    Mean huh?

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