Several Little Things part 5

It seems weird to me when Christians are cranky. I mean I’m not religious, but if I was, I’d take it seriously. And I guess that there are many interpretations of Christianity (i.e. God created me in his image and he gave me all the world and everything in it to exploit and plunder, and I can do whatever crappy BS I want as long as I repent on my deathbed). AND I know that Christians are just people to…but I would think that from a Christian’s point of view it would be all “Jesus was a nice guy and he said be nice to your fellow man” and whatnot. So when somebody gets pissy with me because I can’t help them with their Happy God Ministry business account, I just want to say “sorry, I’m taking away your saviour fan club card. You broke the rules.”

8 Replies to “Several Little Things part 5”

  1. I know a lot of Christians who ARE all “Jesus was a nice guy and he said be nice to your fellow man” (and I like to count myself amongst them), but unfortunatly I know far too many who are judgemental, condemning and cynical.

    I find it difficult when I see them enjoying their spiritual buffet, acting however they want and backing it up with their twisted interpretation of scripture.

    I’m containing a rant here so I’ll just stop. I find it really hard to manage my anger when faced with the hypocrisy of some of my fellow Christians.

  2. Aren’t we forgetting the part where Jesus acknowledges that people are imperfect and are going to mess up? Isn’t that why we are supposed to repent? If memory serves, Jesus said that everyone was a sinner and falls short of God’s perfection. That’s why he had to die, right? “The wages of sin are death.”

    EVERYONE knows that we are supposed to be nice to one another, and everyone also knows that a lot of the time this is just not going to happen. So you turn the other cheek and move on. Probelms do arise when non-Christians try to hold Christians to a higher moral standard, as if people who believe in Jesus are supposed to have the market cornered on right action.

    We all know The difference between right and wrong whether we decide behave that way or not. You don’t get some kind of a free pass to behave like an ass just because you’re an aetheist, and you don’t get a free pass to heaven if you say “I love Jesus” and then act like a shit head every day. And if you haven’t actually _read_ the bible in a while, it may not be a good idea to start playing all fast and loose with the interpretation.

  3. It’s my contention that if anything is open to fast and loose interpretation, it’s Christianity.

  4. What we’re all forgetting here is that Jesus was a carpenter. He wouldn’t care whether you used DeWalt or Makita power tools but whether your sand paper was 60 grit instead of 180.

    Jesus is just like a spiritual building inspector. If your soul isn’t up to code then for a litle ‘consideration’ he won’t mind if you’ve used garbage, sawdust, and styrofoam cups as agregate in your mental concrete foundation.

    Unless your psychic groundwater is too high, who’s going to notice that your
    spirit will sink faster into the pacific-rim, volcanic sands than a Hong Kong apartment building during a 9.8-on-the-richter-scale earthquake.

    Think about THAT!

  5. It’s extremely amusing to me to see the little chrome Christian fish symbol on vehicles that are exhibiting road rage tendencies while I’m driving to work in the morning. This makes me smile inside.

    I’ve recently moved south of the Mason Dixon line, where Christianity was invented, and there are legions of soccer moms and dads driving around in giant SUVs and minivans with the Jesus fish stuck to their back bumper.

    These soccer moms and dads, driving their Jesusmobiles, make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I see them cussing out inconsiderate drivers that cut them off on the freeway. Or flipping off the jerk who didn’t let them merge into traffic properly. It’s all proof that Christians are just regular human beings like everyone else.

    (Note: my Hindu friend at work drives like a bat-out-of-hell, with one hand on the wheel and one finger out the window. Vishnu be damned.)

    However, I disagree with Dick in that I don’t think non-Christians are the ones holding Christians to a higher standard. Christians hold themselves to a higher standard…sometimes to their own downfall (ie. Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggart, etc). I think Christians are asking to be treated differently, or at the very least, asking to be *viewed* differently than non-Christians.Otherwise, why would you broadcast your religion to thousands of strangers every day while driving to work? It seems odd, alerting your fellow commuters that you are indeed part of a particular religious organization, and by God, you are so committed to your convictions that you have placed a shiny plastic fish on your bumper for all to see.

    Wait, that fucker just cut me off!! DIDN’T YOU SEE MY GODDAMNED FISH?!?!

    Sorry about that. I had to swerve to miss him. This next paragraph is for fish-symbol-Christians only. This is possibly the best bit of advice you will receive today, so please pay attention. It will require some interaction on your part to personally tailor it to fit your circumstances. Feel free to print out this paragraph and tape it to your vehicle’s dashboard as a constant reminder. Fish-Christians, this is your new mantra, please read on:
    When I am sitting on (insert your local rush-hour congested highway here) with 10 minutes to get to (insert your work establishment here) and 30 more minutes of driving ahead of me, I will not completely lose my shit and begin waving my arms and screaming like a madman. I will not passive-aggressively speed up and refuse to let my fellow commuter merge in front of me. I will not rely on a little plastic symbol to notify my fellow human beings currently trapped in commuter hell with me that I am indeed a good person. I will show them that I am a good person with my considerate and thoughtful actions. No matter how badly I want to get to (insert your work establishment here) to sit at my desk and (insert your job duties here), I will conduct myself like a reasonable, calm, educated member of civilized society. I will not use my Anytime Minutes provided by (insert your current wireless provider here) to call any number of my friends or family members and complain about the heinous traffic that I am currently enduring like a self-flagellating monk. Also, most importantly, I will use my turn signals before I change lanes, as God had intended. I know God intended the use of turn signals in civilized society because every street legal vehicle in production today comes equipped with them. I will continue to uphold my sterling character even if one of my fellow commuters mistreats me in any of the ways mentioned above. I will rise above that. This, I promise to you, my fellow commuter. Yours truly (insert your name here).

    If this saves only one plastic-fish-toting Christian from a miserable morning commute, then it’s done its job.

    God bless.


  6. I agree with Chris. Jesus wouldn’t care what brand of drill we use. And if he were alive today, I feel confident that he’d unite each and every one of us by placing the world on one standard voltage so I could take my skill saw to the UK without having to buy an adapter.

    I do know one thing Jesus would hate. He’d hate for a thread of thoughts to be called “Several Thoughts” to end at part five. He’d HATE that. I mean REALLY HATE that.

    But that’s Jesus for you.

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