Some people go bald, or get grey hair, right out of high school. Some people have allergies when they’re kids*. Other people go through metabolism changes sometime in their twenties. For me, the year 1998 or thereabouts is where my body played terrible, terrible tricks on me. Pick a body part, and something started to go wrong with it. I didn’t go bald, but my hair did recede a tiny bit in the corners. That’s no big deal. However, check out this shopping list of ailments that my body checked off across the board:
acid reflux
grey hair
hair growing out of my ears
jaw cysts
super-dry skin on face
allergy to some kind of tree
migraines
floaters (“muscae volitantes”)
the dribbles “down there”**
hemorrhoids
back problems***
cancer****
…and I’m sure I’m forgetting something.
*I just realized that my Mom told me I was allergic to Tide when I was a kid. I am certainly not allergic to Tide.
**more on this when I’m not at work
*** no longer could I sleep on the floor in any position I wanted without a pillow.
**** Okay I made this one up.
Maybe your mom was being sarcastic when she told you that you were allergic to Tide. You were always wearing dirty clothes or refusing to help out with the laundry or something…
At least 4 of these problems will go away entirely if you drink enough water….
Keep in mind that these are ailments that hit me around that time. I learned to adjust my lifestyle so that currently they are minor nuisances. For example, as long as I sleep with three pillows strategically placed*, my back doesn’t give me any trouble at all.
*one on the ceiling, one in the bathroom and one in my mouth. It’s a feng shui thing.
Everybody suffers from floaters, it appears. At least, everyone I’ve talked to says they’ve had them for years.
Floaters: I didn’t have any until about 97 or 98. I got this big brown one from out nowhere and then more crept up. I thought I was having a brain tumour so I went to the optometrist and he said “it’s not a tumour!” They’re very annoying when it’s bright out and I’m trying to drive. Or when I’m watching a movie in which it’s bright out and someone’s trying to drive.
ps, Amber, are you working for the water commission?