I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about time, over the past couple days. The past, the future, the present. What I’ve accomplished, what I’ve wanted to accomplish but haven’t, and what I can still accomplish. What I’m ashamed of, what I’m proud of…regrets and all of that. All because I’ve spent a lot of time cleaning up–cleaning up my room*, throwing away old scripts of movies, plays and cartoons that I’ve been in. Old music tapes. My art career, how it’s been flagging over the past while and how I’m okay with that, because I’m kind of sick of doing the same thing for 10 years. Video game companies look good to me right now.
I’ve also been cleaning up my computer. I have my blogs and sometimes diary entries, and I like to print them out so that in case something goes wrong with the internet and my computer, I have a paper copy. So I’ve been musing over old entries: the shaved crotch woman entry, the poobag entry, holidays spent with friends, important stuff with Marlo, etc etc.
And all because I couldn’t sleep! I went to bed at 1pm after watching an episode of National Geographic on “body snatchers” (parasites) and then I woke up at 6:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. I remember reading that if you have insomnia and can’t get back to sleep after 20 minutes you should get up and do something. Cleaning my room was it. I did that for about an hour and a half and the job’s half done at most. I had a mug of warm milk just like Dr. Beverly Crusher taught me, and eventually I started to feel that I could go back to bed. Again I just lay there, so this time I put X-Men 2 into the VCR, and drifted in and out of consciousness a couple times. By the time Professor X was mentally freezing everyone in the white house, I was wide awake, so I got up. That was at about 10am.
And I have realized over the past couple of days that I am really tired of this apartment and this neighborhood. I’ve been saying that for a while now actually – is it just the winter blahs? Or do I need to rearrange the furniture again? Or just finish tidying? I guess being in one spot for almost 10 years would make anyone yearn for greener pastures.
*Does anyone else keep their ATM slips? Because I have a box of them and I can’t bring myself to chuck them. Is that weird?