Triumph of Technology, Performance and Design

I just saw a commercial for the Oral-B Triumph toothbrush. Have you seen this? The one where the toothbrush is put up on a pedestal and the common people celebrate it as flags come down and whatnot? It’s the toothbrush with an “onboard computer” with “patented smart technology” whatever that means. The commercial does not tell you what the computer is supposed to do, so I went to the website. Here’s what the computer does:

– gives you an LCD of how much time you have left to brush (from the dental recommended 2 minutes). Why do you need a display? Can you read it while you’re brushing? Marlo’s toothbrush just shuts off after 2 minutes.
– “charge level” tells you how much of a charge it’s got left in it so that you can “brush with optimal power.”
– advises when individual brushheads should change. I’m sure this is an arbitrary amount programmed into it so that you consume more Oral-B products.
– some other crap.

It’s got four settings: Clean; Soft; Massage; Polish–which I’m sure translate to Fastest; Fast; Slow; Slowest.

What a big old crock o’ shit.

Also, why exactly do my gums need to be stimulated?

4 Replies to “Triumph of Technology, Performance and Design”

  1. Clearly your gums are cranky and need some serious stimulation.

    Also, ‘stimulating’ your gums basically means having them ‘massaged’ a bit to promote blood flow which helps keep them healthy (that much at leats isn’t complete shite). Oddly enough this is accomplished by even the most primitive bristle brush ever made.

  2. You should see the commercials here, Toren. For the most part, they’re about 15-20 years behind us, advertising-wise, so the commercials are SO SO CHEESY. Chinese TV is fucking hilarious.

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