Ba weep graw naw weep ninni bong

That is, according to Transformers the movie, the universal greeting.

Fahrenheit 9/11 is now out on DVD with 90 new minutes of footage. “These extras include never-before-seen footage outside Abu Ghraib prison, plus footage which we shot in Iraq just weeks before the invasion that clearly showed what we were in for (“Please tell America that Iraq will be their cemetery”), more words of truth from our soldiers in Iraq, and footage of Bush and Condoleezza Rice that is so frightening you will understand why the networks never showed it to you.”

Tonight is another round of free kung fu, this time downtown. If anyone is interested in coming out for our next bout, give me a shout out, lout.

Three things you may not know about the jobs I have had.

1. I worked for way too long at DeVry Greenhouses in Rosedale (Chilliwack). That’s where I learned how to say “may I please suck on your nipple” in Dutch. I think everyone I ever knew in Chilliwack worked there for at least a day. The menial labour was very rewarding. Oh no, wait – it wasn’t. What was rewarding was capturing the tree frogs that lived on the pointsettias and bringing them home to my aquarium, where I fed them crickets purchased at the pet store. They eventually all escaped, and I found one mummified behind the radiator. I kept it in a little plastic bubble for years, and I think I finally sold it at one of my birthday auctions.

2. Chris Woods and I got a job together painting a motel. Not the artistic kind of painting, the boring whitewash kind of painting. We both had long hair back then and the paint kept getting in my hair. We listened to a lot of Guns and Roses from the mechanics next door. The whole experience was dreadful beyond belief. We were there less than two weeks I believe when one day the boss didn’t show up. We never found out why, and we didn’t really care. But we did see his car outside the AA building shortly after that and we drew our own conclusions.

3. For a few weeks I had a job involving my two favourite things – liquid glue in squeeze bottles and burning plastic. We were in a warehouse with this makeshift operation constructing filters for (if I recall correctly) a sewage treatment plant. There were stacks and stacks of corrugated plastic sheets which we would pile on top of eachother and send through this furnace/grill which burned the sides so the sheets would melt together. If any spots didn’t stick, we would apply the glue and use clothes pegs to fasten the sheets together. I swear that job took 10 years off my life.

3 Replies to “Ba weep graw naw weep ninni bong”

  1. Sure you may die before your time but I got a cool respirator out of the deal. It’s win/win as far as I’m concerned.

  2. I never worked at that greenhouse once. I think that’s mostly because I did whatever I could to avoid working at all back then. I’m better now.

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