Those states are just so darned united!

The Department of Energy announced that it will cut the nation’s stockpile of nuclear weapons “almost in half,” and the Senate voted to permit the reclassification of some high-level nuclear waste so that the Energy Department can leave the waste in leaky shallow tanks. Doctors Without Borders suspended its activity in Afghanistan after one of its teams was massacred by the Taliban, and 100 Iraqi policemen who were sent to Najaf reportedly deserted and ran away. In Colorado, a man in an armored bulldozer went berserk and destroyed several buildings and then killed himself.

I’m going to make light of this story by saying he should have painted teeth on his makeshift tank…

Microsoft patented the “double-click,” and oil prices went up to $42 a barrel;

What is it David Cross said? “water’s $20 a gallon, but we still got our $1.50 gas”

Good Jobs First, a Washington, D.C., research group, reported that Wal-Mart has received more than $1 billion in subsidies from state and local governments around the country. Arkansas released 680 prison inmates early because of overcrowding, and the Army decided to extend the service commitment of all soldiers bound for Iraq. The Pentagon denied that a new “non-lethal” ray gun that fires millimeter-wave electromagnetic energy, which penetrates the skin and instantly heats water molecules to 130 degrees, might be used as a torture device. No one has been able to stand the pain caused by the weapon, known as the “Active Denial System,” for more than 3 seconds. North Korea banned cellphones. A horticulturalist in Florida unveiled a new low-carb potato.

SAMURAI JACK creator Genndy Tartakovsky has signed a deal to write the script for and direct the ASTRO BOY feature film for Sony Pictures. The movie, which began its development back in 1997 as a CGI picture, is now imagined as a combination of live-action, animation and animatronics (presumably for the robotic Astro Boy.) Tartakovsky will discard all earlier drafts commissioned for the project and start anew.
Tartakovsky’s last project was the 20-part “micro-series” CLONE WARS for the Cartoon Network. He’s also been a director and a producer on THE POWERPUFF GIRLS.