So three emperors who ruled Russia until the revolution of 1917 walk into a bar. The bartender says to the first one – “what’ll ya have?”
“Vodka” says the first.
The bartender pulls a lever and a trap door opens up beneath the emperor, sending him tumbling into a gaping hole. Then he turns to the second guy, and says “what’ll ya have?”
“Uh…just some water, please?” he mutters trepidatiously.
Again, the lever is pulled and the second guy falls into the vast pit. The bartender turns to the last guy and says “what’ll ya have?”
The last Russian emperor says “Forget it, I don’t appreciate your Czar chasm.”

I just made that up. I’ll have to try it at our next show. In fact I think our shows should be more a mix of rock & standup.