Thank you for your kind offer.

Stewey offered to treat me to a matinee of Matrix: Revolutions today. I declined. Not because I’m boycotting it – that’s Kill Bill. You know all aboot that. They (he & Darcy) went to Burnaby to see it. I had stuff to get done; phone calls to make during the day. Also: I generally avoid seeing movies on opening day. Too crowded, oftentimes. I like to wait a week or two for the noisy bastards to get it through their system, then I’ll take in a matinee where it’s just me, whoever I’m with, and the other scant misanthropes. (Also, waiting a week for others to see it increases the chance of being warned away from a crap film.) Scant Misanthropes, that’s a good name for a band. Digressor, I. Lastly, since I was planning on seeing Valerie and Her Week of Wonders in the evening, I figured one movie out was enough. Unfortunately, Valerie was a mess. I’m glad I couldn’t find anyone to drag to it because I would have felt bad. Also I would have felt bad for keeping them in those wicked, inhumane Pacific Cinematheque seats for 2 hours. Speaking of feeling bad…

I got a kid sent to prison during college because when I called the police about a noise violation, they showed up and found him dealing cocaine in his room. So I’ve ruined at least one person’s life.

when i was in 6th grade, i used to go to the bus stop early everyday so i could go to the store, steal candy, and then sell it on the bus…i made a lot of money

Last year I went on my friend’s PC while he was in the shower. Ebay and Paypal were still logged in, as he had just been paying for some auctions. I decided to buy him some worn panties, which only had a few minutes left on the auction. I paid through Paypal, and deleted as much evidence of the transaction as I could. A week or so later he told me that some woman had posted her underwear to him, along with a saucy note which his girlfriend of 18 months had opened and read to him. Being the faithful type, he had no idea how this came about, but she got her stuff and left him anyway. To this day I have never told another soul, and he never figured out how this came about.

Once i said that the BeeGees were not the best band ever, when clearly they are