This is an idea I came up with a few years ago. You are in a conversation with somebody you don’t want to talk to. Say, you’re at an art gallery and somebody comes up behind you vomiting artspeak; or you’re at a bar and somebody starts hitting on you. Well, you just reach into your pocket and pull out a card, hand it to the person, and walk off while they’re reading it. The card reads:

CONGRATULATIONS
You have just received a
“get out of conversation free” card
Don’t be angry at the person who gave you this card – you’ve just received a valuable gift! This card is now yours, and can be used in almost any social situation as an easy, hassle-free way to get away. Simply hand this card to your conversation partner, and quietly walk off as he/she reads this very sentence. Hopefully, by the time they’re done reading, you’ve made good your escape, and they are now left with this legacy to a less-awkward, simpler life with a higher standard of living. Enjoy!

Unfortunately this little scheme won’t work if you’re in a bank lineup, buying groceries, or any other situation where you can’t just walk off. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I actually got around to making these cards up.