I submitted my first question to Okcupid, thus:
Would you support your spouse/partner even if you didn’t agree with him/her?
a) Only if it is a small issue
b) Always. That’s what marriage/partnership is about
c) Nah. Marriage doesn’t necessarily mean we have to act as one
d) Never. That’s the worst kind of compromise
How would you answer? In my last big relationship, this came up as an issue. I guess I was and am of the opinion that the best kind of union doesn’t require any of kind of compromise of individuality–that two people are never going to agree on everything so why should you have to accept that you pretend to like X or hate Y or whatever. Instead you should accept the fact that you can agree to disagree and work around that, and still be in love and be happy. The other side of the issue was that a relationship is all about compromise and support, and that I should support what she said and did. That seems kind of ridiculous to me, and when it was brought up that she supported everything that I said and did, it still seemed ridiculous – to do that for the sake of a relationship. I don’t want that. And yet I notice from time to time that this sort of things happens in the relationships around me. One half of the relationship will say one thing, and it’s anathema for the other half to contradict or challenge what was said or done. You can see them standing there quietly keeping their peace, decidedly not saying what’s on their mind. That’s the kind of behaviour I would expect from two people who don’t know eachother very well, and are just being polite. The old “don’t contradict me in front of the neighbors/children/klingons” seems terribly outdated to me. I would never expect my girlfriend to be my yes-man. If I say or do something that is wrong, by all means call me on it. Better than pretending everything is fine when it isn’t.
Of course there are always exceptions.
And maybe that’s why I’m still single!