You go through your life, thinking, “gosh (or shit, or whatever), if I just had this and this and this, I would be set. Life would be great. I would be satisfied.” If I just had a girlfriend and/or a better job and/or a nice house and/or etc etc. But it doesn’t matter what you have. Once you accomplish a goal, you set your sights on something else, don’t you? You’re never satisfied.
There are brief, placid moments in my life – ticks of the third hand – where I feel genuinely satisfied: After sex with someone I truly love; freshly holding in my hand a book in which I had a substantial creative input. After these moments pass – there’s always something more. Something else out there that I crave. I think that’s natural, a desire for that which is not yet experienced, attained, acquired. I think that’s “ambition”, or at least the catalyst for it. But it also leads to a feeling of unfulfilment. That I “should” have this, or I “could” have that by now, if I had played my cards right. And is that fair…to myself? That I don’t know….
I need to travel more (and farther) when I get some money. Or somebody drops a free trip in my lap.