Category: Post-Apocalyptic

It was a manga, it was an anime television series, then it was this movie. The Earth was devastated by nuclear war but also there’s a magic martial arts force called “Big Dipper Divine Fist” (hokotu shinken) and multiple characters want to prove themselves to be the most powerful because…well, I guess we’re just supposed to understand that’s important. And you can only prove you are powerful by killing a bunch of people. Oh and also by controlling women. So, that’s the premise.

A couple of kids show up to lighten the tone a bit, and that’s refreshing. There’s kind of a subplot about seeds being able to make the Earth green again but that’s kind of glossed over in favour of buildings falling on people and fingers being pushed deep into manly chests and heads exploding from ‘qi’ or some such thing. Also, some bad guys are literally as tall as a multi-story building, for reasons not explained. I watched the dubbed version so I’m sure there were some nuances that I missed. Plus, I’m not that well versed on Japanese culture. Still…melodramatic and nonsensical.

Tropes: lone wanderer too cool to talk; thrown into a chasm; women as property; psionic powers?

Toren’s rating: 3/10

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From the director of MASH and Gosford Park comes this confusing look at a frozen five-sectored city where the starving and freezing residents spend their time drinking booza and playing the titular board game. Paul Newman doesn’t like games but he finds himself involved in a whole other game where a group of gamers play a deadly live action version of Quintet using knives and bombs. Also packs of scavenging dogs are all rottweilers for some reason.

Tropes: dogs eating dead humans; random earthquakes

It’s a 4.75/10 from me

Now go back to Toren’s Post Apocalyptic Movie Guide

What caused the apocalypse? Who is the protagonist in this film? What’s going on with Ben’s mind? Has he always had these emotional problems or did the first scene cause them? Why does he have nose bleeds? Why does nobody ever answer a question? Is it because they’re French or are they actual aliens who don’t understand human interaction? Is this the point of the movie? Why is it called Time of the Wolf? These are all unanswered questions that make this film unsatisfying.

Tropes: Light burning out in darkness;

5/10 from me despite decent acting and cinematography

Here’s the imdb listing. BACK TO THE POST-APOCALYPTIC MOVIE GUIDE

The German word “Hell” translates to “Bright” in English. No spikey cars or cyborgs or radiation here. A solar storm has ravaged the earth and water is a precious commodity. Two sisters and a guy are joined by another guy as they try to find a source of water in the mountains. They come across another group and things go real bad. Great acting and characters, and well shot. Definitely not for the squeamish. A German-Swiss production.

Tropes: Abandoned gas station; Injured foot

8/10 from me

Here’s the IMDB listing. BACK TO THE POST-APOCALYPTIC MOVIE GUIDE.

A fairly dull affair with passable acting, with the exception of the child who was pretty dreadful. Swayze’s “Nomad” seeks revenge after his master is killed by an assassin, employed by a warlord who wants the love interest’s water farm. My rating: 4/10

Tropes: wind-powered vehicle, honorable assassin; hidden water source; sand-burrowing mutants; helpful dog; horses; loner hero leaves at the end

Here’s the IMDB listing.

Back to TOREN’S POST-APOCALYPTIC MOVIE GUIDE

It’s Italian! I watched the English dub which I rented from Black Dog Video. A rather bland wanderer named Scorpion defends settlements against the death cult of which he is a former member. Along the way he is joined by a ski-goggle wearing love interest and his unforgettable rival played by Fred Williamson, with a bow and explosive arrow tip. Awesomely terrible hairdos abound!

Toren’s rating: 4.5/10

Tropes: spiky cars; punishment by sodomy; fanatic religious death cult; naked breasts; child prodigy mechanic/inventor

More info at cult celebrities.

Now check out my Post-Apocalyptic Movie Guide.